The Philosophy of Nigel

Around ten minutes ago, at half past one in the morning, I had what you could have described as a realisation. Often, I get random thoughts in my head (such as my excellent country tribute band for 'My Chemical Romance', named 'My Biological Barndance'. However, this realisation has had such a profound effect on me, I simply had to blog about it. So don't waste your valuable time, wondering 'Why are we here?' or 'What is our purpose in life?'. Instead, ponder this philosophical question instead.

"Who on earth decided to call a person who was by themselves, a 'Nigel?"

Obviously, this question can only be answered by answering other questions. 'Who was the original Nigel?', 'Who witnessed this Nigel being a 'Nigel?' 'Why did someone call it a 'Nigel'?, Why not a 'Simon' or a 'Pedro', for example'.

I guess it will forever remain one of life's many mysteries...

St Paul the Hermit - The original and best 'Nigel', I suppose even though I only first heard of him a minute ago...

'Ihsus'

Do you not think that the word 'Sushi' backwards looks slightly like Jesus? (I would like to point out that I typed the word 'Jesus' into Google and the second link said:

"The Original Jesus Dressup!

Dress up Jesus by dragging the items to him with your mouse."

I laughed). http://www.jesusdressup.com/

This was my attempt, I suppose I should say no offence intended but Jesus deserved a ginger afro...

But alas, I have strayed from my original point of this post! (Damn you Jesus!) I was going to make a comparison between Jesus and Sushi and how godly they both were. But my real point that I wish to make is sushi and why everyone, and I mean everyone, should take it upon themselves to try it (and love it).

1. It actually tastes good


In an age where everything is controlled by Food Standards and Health and Safety, it is nigh on impossible for Sushi to be bad for you. Although if you have an allergy to fish then stay the fuck away, idiot. And if you don't like the idea of eating raw fish (and it doesn't even taste that raw), then there is a vegetarian and hot food options (although this is only if you go to Yo Sushi!)

2. You get to press a button


Remember back through the ages to when you were four (or the other week when you were eighteen) and you were waiting at a zebra crossing. Remember the satisfaction you felt from pressing the button, before anyone else could. That is how pressing a button to attract the waiter's attention feels like. It's clearly the future of eating out!

3. Your meal is on a conveyor belt, DUH!


Self explanatory, if you don't think this is even remotely cool, then get to France.

4. It's hardly any calories


I looked on the website and each dish is about on average 150 Calories, which isn't actually too bad for a main meal.

5. It's cheap


I always manage to spend about a tenner and it is always a tenner well spent. Plus if you're a student, if you print off a voucher, you can get 25% off.

I doubt many people will understand my passion for Yo Sushi! but it is more the experience than anything, plus it makes me feel cultured which is hard to achieve when you live in a craphole (or a derelict, grey, miserable settlement for the more eloquent and poetic of you out there) such as East Kilbride. So eh aye, first blog in ages, no bad, no bad!

Moshi, Moshi!

Konichiwa!

A foolproof guide to getting Blackberry Messenger on your phone (Pointing no fingers at Lisa and Owen here)

I now am the proud owner of BlackBerry and to say it did everything could be an understatement.Also, it is nice to finally wield the power that comes with having unlimited texts (or three thousand, whatever, *shrugs shoulders).

Probably, the best feature of the BlackBerry is BlackBerry Messenger. BBM allows people who have blackberries to 'text' (I use that term loosely as it is more like an instant messaging interface, but you get a notification like a text) for free. This greatly appeals to me but it has come to my knowledge there are a few people who don't know how to use it. NOTHING COULD BE SIMPLER and I intend to explain in painstakingly - obvious detail.

Number one: When you enter your browser, your main page should come up as blackberry. If not, go into google and type Blackberry Mobile Homepage into the search bar and click the relevant link.

Scroll Down and under the heading 'Communicate', there will be a link to BlackBerry Messenger, follow the on screen instructions and it should be downloaded (make sure you have access to the internet though, otherwise it's going to fail miserably.)

Number two: After it has downloaded, go to your Blackberry Menu and select the Instant Messenging icon (which looks like a folder with a speech bubble inside it). There should be an option for Blackberry Messenger (which looks like a speech bubble with the Blackberry logo inside it) Which looks like this -

Once selected, you have to go through a set up and it asks you to choose a contact from your phonebook to be used as information (basically, you have to choose yourself, so save your own name and number to your phonebook and select that one).

Number three: You should be now in the userface for BlackBerry Messenger. Now, you have to get contacts and that is done through adding your friends BlackBerry Pins. To find out your pin, go to the main Blackberry menu, select options > Status and it should tell you there. To add a contact, go to BBM, select invite contact > Invite by sending a pin or email message and then type the pin correctly before sending it. You should get a notification that the person you have sent the request to has confirmed it (unless you're hated.) and HEY PRESTO!, You can start talking (which is really easy, it's just like text).

Hopefully, that helps and if it doesn't, you don't deserve to have the awesomeness that is, BBM!

Bittersweet Symphony...

Hmm, not been in the best of moods today. A LOT is happening and I can't keep on top of it all. If the things weren't happening at the same time, I'd be feeling okay. Right now, university is not my favourite place to be and I'm still doubting whether I made the right decision but I really need to motivate myself and just get on with it (or 'MAN THE FUCK UP'). Either one of the two would be great...

Plus, my poor gender-confused, ball-less cat has been feeling a little under the weather and has been having vomiting fits all day, which made me cry because I don't know what to do for him (and I'm quite an emotional person, so don't judge me!)

So, I decided the best course of action would be to go for a nice, long walk in the sun (I was quite surprised when I woke up to this glorious weather!). I will describe my adventures in a 'heading then paragraph' approach because, yes, I am that good.

My old babysitters


It never really occurred to me that my both my old babysitters lived opposite one another. It got me thinking, is there babysitting wars on that street? I think yes! I also went past the house where my old playgroup was held and it doesn't exist anymore which upset me too. I also past the flat opposite which had a very creepy old man in it and now, looking back, there is a 75% possibility he was a paedophile.

My old primary school


The last time I saw my old primary school was when it was flattened and the ground was empty. Now, there are council houses on it, which made me really sad. It's quite funny how I can still remember the layout, even today, when I was standing there. Quite a few memories flooded back, like how I rolled down the hill in primary one and got a handful of grass in my mouth (which made me cry). When it used to rain a lot and a lake would develop at the bottom of the tarmac pitch. Inside the open area, where the 'House' was the most popular choice of activity as you could act and pretend to be in a different situation! My favourite was Katie Morag because even though I was only five, the pink high heels her posh granny wore fit me perfectly!

The Old Newsagents


I got quite a shock when I turned my back on the old school and stood there to find it just a shell. It's completely changed and I was actually more sad about this than the school. Even if it was run by grumpy Navid and his son was a convicted murderer...

My Old House and Dens


I walked up to Alder Crescent and passed the grate where I got the scar on my knee. I shook my fist at said grate and walked up to my old house, which really hasn't changed (I think that's a bad thing, although there is a trampoline in the garden but my swing was better!). I then walked down the big hill where I used to sit on my skateboard and go down it. And I passed the woods where I used to play in ALL THE TIME but now wouldn't go in there for fear of catching aids. I then went behind the garages where I once buried a dead bird, and past the house of the guy who owned two dogs who were honestly fucking terrifying. I walked past Allan's house and then walked down the path where I used to ride my bike. Past the bushes, where I used to pick leaves off and pretend it was money and then down to Lisa's old flat, with the gigantic hole that you could escape school from but I used to go back because I'm not a fearless bastard. I then went down the street and past the bush which I used to hide from a really horrible old woman who used to give me into trouble for the littlest things.

Then, I headed home! And I instantly felt better. Not only because exercise releases endorphines (Ooh, look at me going all biological) but also because I've seen how far I've come.

I also saw Mrs Aird, she still lives... She was awesome but!

Blog describing my feelings towards Devon McKenzie...

Disclaimer: I was not suggested to do this at all, not by Devon McKenzie, nope, not at all.

Hmm, where to start? She came on MSN tonight and within two minutes, I was laughing so that's got to be something, right? She's my lesbian lover but bondage is the only boundary that will never be crossed! I'm one of the few people that 'hardly' ever calls her 'Dave' and I'm quite proud of this fact.

Valentines Day was mildly enjoyable this year because of her! And she has big puffy curly hair which is very nice! I can tell her anything because if I don't, she'll rip my metaphorical balls off (quite terrifying actually). She's the best drunk ever! And the psychic said we'd be together forever!

I'm tired now... but I love you Devon!

"You know nothing of the crunch! "

"Honey, I'm home!"

Dearest readers, if I was to describe my state of mind right now, it would be on the lines of babblement (which isn't even a word). But, after a fortnight away, I am ready to come back and blog! 

One of the happy things that happened (yesterday) was the fact that I managed to pick up a Metro. Now, few people know about my absolute adoration for the Metro but for those who don't understand, I will explain! (Some other time...) So, to kickstart the blog again, I've decided to do a Metro - Round - Up of my favourite stories!

1. Tank Man

Shaun Mitchell is a man who has only one particular love in his life, namely tanks and other military vehicles. And just a few weeks ago, his girlfriend of twelve years left him. Do I feel sorry for him? No. Am I questioning why he is in the metro? Yes. He has a cool hat though.

2. Tracey Emin

I love art. There is some really pretty works of art out there. But sometimes, I just don't get art and Tracey Emin is a prime example of that. I f someone can tell me how a painting of two 'very happy' men is art, I would be most grateful.

3. Supergran

Basically, if she was my granny, I'd be happy! Plus, she's ginger!

4. Man with Knife in his Head

Stabbing headache, I think so. I'm so confused though... How could you not notice a 10cm long knife embedded in your skull for four years?

Ahh, that was fun!

Jill's tomorrow night, it shall be bittersweet! It will be a brilliant night but it feels like we've grown up and became adults now! Plus, it will probably be the last house party ever and it's unreal how much I love them (Not hinting at anyone by the way...)

Final Point -   My horoscope yesterday read:

"Your life has changed in so many ways and I hope you're proud of all you have achieved. If you're not then you should be."

Hmm, interesting ;) ...

The mysterious case of the failing blog and the plans to revive it...

I have typed so many starting sentences out in the last five minutes and all of them have been erased. There has been so much that has happened in the last few weeks that it would be rather impossible (or rather, time consuming) to list them all (even though Devon would delight in it). 

Currently, I am recovering from a horrible cold that was given to me by my sister (Thanks Katie...) and lamenting the fact that my two week holiday has come to an end and I go back to hell tomorrow (which is always fun).

I really need a new job...