In your face Oxford!

What self-righteous blogger such as myself could possibly not blog about the royal wedding?

Let's get one thing straight, I come from quite a patriotic family. The scottish part of me embraces bagpipes, ceilidhs and generally all things scottish. The english part of me likes the royal family and therefore, my mum and me like nothing better than to sit down and watch a royal wedding. It's history taking place in front of our eyes after all (although I do admit, I'd rather have played the drinking game and got, pardon my language, royally 'fucked' and then off to Kelvingrove but that was a fail and a half).

So, I committed myself to getting up at quarter to nine. For five hours, I was glued to the television, enjoying Phillip Schofield and getting excited for any glimpse of activity. I watched the whole service, gasped at the dress and generally was put in a very good mood. My mum even cried although she soon stopped after my sister told her to get a grip. All in all, it was quite magical. You'd have to be a pretty cynical person to not have at least smiled once today in relation to the wedding, even if it was at one of the hilarious Facebook groups to spring up.

Also, let's not forget how legendary Prince William actually is. When the happy couple came out in the Aston Martin, well it made my day to be honest, just excellent.

So yeah, I'll stop being sad and patriotic now but I can't help who I've been brought up to be!

Final Point: Beatrice's hat was utterly the most ridiculous creation I have ever witnessed. I am also quite glad they have been made Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, up yous Oxford!

A motion I would like to put forth...

Who decided it was socially unacceptable to wear pyjamas outside? I mean, is it written down anyway, is it a law? No my friends, it is not.

Pyjamas are by far the comfiest clothes ever. They are light and cool but can also make you feel all nice, cosy and snuggly. Why must we pull on a pair of jeans and a nice top to wear outside when we could just stroll out in a nice set of cupcake pyjamas?

I can't fathom it...

I thought this would be appropriate!

A million lies to sell yourself, that's all you ever had...

Right Now: Garbage - 'Stupid Girl'

For someone who has spent her day, sitting in a house (well, not just 'a' house, my own house) and the garden occasionally (Oh, I know, the excitement of my life is sometimes too much to bear, believe me), today has actually been quite eventful, in a good way.

I arose from my bed at one past the hour after a delightful text message from Devon of Greenhills (had a bizarre moment of eloquence there, shrugs*)

Anyway, at half two, the said Devon mentioned above came over and we chilled in the garden for a while, whilst mother dearest did her gardening around us and generally eavesdropping on our conversation (rather inadvertently admittedly, but still, there are some things your mum should just not know).

After moving to the living room, for some unknown reason, we got onto the subject of the website 'eHarmony' (not a dating site but a 'relationship' site, get it right guys). Anyway, something possessed me to complete the personality test so here are my results...

Agreeableness


I usually take care of others and I have a tender heart and I'm described as:

Understanding Unquestioning Humane

Selfless Gentle Kindhearted

Gullible Indulgent

 Openness


I am sometimes curious and sometimes content, being described as:

Accepting Flexible Educated

Self-aware Middle-of-the-road Proper

Distinctive Indecisive Adaptable

Emotional Stability (Here we go...)


I am steady! And 'APPARENTLY' (Have I emphasised this enough?) I am described as:

Relaxed Even Unwavering

Constant Certain Together

Cool Detached Tranquil

Conscientiousness


Och, you get the programme now:

Casual Informal Compliant

Reliable Organised Solid

Dependable Uncommitted Genuine

So there you have it, 'me', in about one hundred words. Of course, seeing as I'm quite extroverted, I would be inclined to disagree with some of it (a lot of it, most of it...) but eHarmony knows best, right? (Rhetorical question, by the way, there is no need to answer it). At least it didn't say I am a hard-nosed bitch...

Anyway, spurred on by first foray into the world of online dating, for a LAUGH (and I mean it, I really don't think I'm at the stage of online dating yet), I decided to make a profile on www.plentyoffish.com.

It's actually quite hilarious, I've had the most weirdest, ugliest people message me and I'm now unsure as to what is proper etiquette...

1. Do I ignore the ones I don't like (which is all of them)?
OR
2. Do I message saying No thanks' (which is pretty awful)

I mean, one of them, a forty year old no less, gave me his phone number? WHO DOES THAT? (Apart from that guy obviously) but it is fine, I know I can't handle having a guy who has an ironing board chilling in his picture.

So yeah, I doubt I'll go on it again, unless I become a sad, desperate spinster who has twenty six cats and a budgie.

A study of Idiocy from the viewpoint of Amy...

The first idiot I would like to analyse deeply is myself. The reason?

For agreeing to do the bastard shift I am about to detail. Not only did I agree to add four more hours of torture to an already torturous four hour shift but also, it was Easter Sunday and I should have spent it with my family, I hate missing things like that (which is a regular occurrence nowadays).

The second bunch of idiots I would like to analyse is the 'neddy' - looking family who decided to crowd round my roller and discuss sardines for about ten minutes, deciding whether they would be suitable for dog consumption. I can honestly say two things:

1. I have never despaired of humanity that much in my whole life

2. I have never been close to saying 'Fuck Off' to a customer but man, I was close.

The third idiot I would like to analyse is the woman who at ten minutes to closing, who was so concerned about laying her hands on a 750g box of Bran Flakes, I felt needlessly compelled to go and bring her some, whilst she wondered off. Seriously, ten minutes to closing and you're asking me to do something so pointless? Please, get a life (even though I am being hypocritical and ranting about work, I also need a life but that's not the point, so 'Shhhh'!).

The final and fourth idiot deserves a 'Special' Award because he was exactly that, Special. I don't know what compels someone to walk into a Sainsbury's store and ask one of the colleagues what time Morrisons shuts at but maybe the 'oh look, my soul has finally died' look on my face said it all when I answered that I didn't know and walked away (something tells me that was not the mystery customer).

Don't you just love the general public so much?

Don't you know, you're beautiful?

Hmm, the more observant amongst you will realise that I am making up for 'lost time' (or, as I like to call it, laziness). I miss blogging, I miss making people laugh and most of all, I miss... Greggs! (I haven't been in two months, I think I'm worthy of a medal to be quite honest).

My head is a lot clearer nowadays, I don't why or how but I'll take it, with open arms in fact! (Now the song is in my head). Especially seeing as University is nearly done and dusted for this year. But I don't want to tie you down with the soppiness of 'life', instead I shall just spout some random crap about my day in the vain and trivial hope that you enjoy it. (It worked in the past I guess).

Firstly, I would like to address the fact that I am currently engrossed in 'Countryfile'... (I would just like to point out, that is me addressing it as I have no words)

Secondly, I actually caught the sun today, for the first time in two years and I am quite chuffed! (Also, don't know why, but whenever I say chuffed, the image of a wotsit appears in my head? But don't judge me, especially if you prefer Quavers...)

Thirdly, I had a Pizza Hut takeaway tonight with Mark, and it was 'A' 'MAY' 'ZING'!

Fourthly, I got paid today, a day early and I have been rather good with my money so far. This, my friends, is called a 'Fucking Miracle'.

Fifthly, I should be going to bed as I am getting up at half seven tomorrow morning (Violins and hankerchiefs at the ready!)

Sixthly, I can't describe enough how much Mark and me wanted to play Inflatable Ten Pin Bowling outside the Early Learning Centre today. Worse yet, we actually enquired about the price of the said set and nearly bought it so we could play it in the garden (and I'm at university? Sometimes, I myself wonder how it happened)

Hmm, a worthy investment I think!

Seventhly(?), I should stop numbering these, it's only going to get more confusing...

I can feel my eyelids droop so I shall say 'Au Revoir' for the night... But to leave on a high note, I shall leave Chris Brown's new song (Which is so awesome, even if he is a wife-beating bastard).

Final point: Why was this not invented when I was kid? MAJORLY UNFAIR.

I will buy this on the pretence of getting it for my child and then steal it for myself.

Pressure Zone

I genuinely can't believe I am about to blog about this subject. Not only is it the most disturbing thing I have ever seen on Youtube but I am also so moved by it, I want to set up a support group for those who have been deeply affected by this man. And this man is...

'TONETTA'

He is the stuff of nightmares. If I could liken him to a character it would be the guy out of 'The Silence of the Lambs' (You know, the one who skinned his victims, such a lovely chap so he was...). I am almost ashamed to post it on my blog of loveliness but people need to be warned about him and his creepiness and also, a problem shared is a problem halved.

Don't have nightmares folks! (Gah, who am I kidding?)

The Philosophy of Nigel

Around ten minutes ago, at half past one in the morning, I had what you could have described as a realisation. Often, I get random thoughts in my head (such as my excellent country tribute band for 'My Chemical Romance', named 'My Biological Barndance'. However, this realisation has had such a profound effect on me, I simply had to blog about it. So don't waste your valuable time, wondering 'Why are we here?' or 'What is our purpose in life?'. Instead, ponder this philosophical question instead.

"Who on earth decided to call a person who was by themselves, a 'Nigel?"

Obviously, this question can only be answered by answering other questions. 'Who was the original Nigel?', 'Who witnessed this Nigel being a 'Nigel?' 'Why did someone call it a 'Nigel'?, Why not a 'Simon' or a 'Pedro', for example'.

I guess it will forever remain one of life's many mysteries...

St Paul the Hermit - The original and best 'Nigel', I suppose even though I only first heard of him a minute ago...

'Ihsus'

Do you not think that the word 'Sushi' backwards looks slightly like Jesus? (I would like to point out that I typed the word 'Jesus' into Google and the second link said:

"The Original Jesus Dressup!

Dress up Jesus by dragging the items to him with your mouse."

I laughed). http://www.jesusdressup.com/

This was my attempt, I suppose I should say no offence intended but Jesus deserved a ginger afro...

But alas, I have strayed from my original point of this post! (Damn you Jesus!) I was going to make a comparison between Jesus and Sushi and how godly they both were. But my real point that I wish to make is sushi and why everyone, and I mean everyone, should take it upon themselves to try it (and love it).

1. It actually tastes good


In an age where everything is controlled by Food Standards and Health and Safety, it is nigh on impossible for Sushi to be bad for you. Although if you have an allergy to fish then stay the fuck away, idiot. And if you don't like the idea of eating raw fish (and it doesn't even taste that raw), then there is a vegetarian and hot food options (although this is only if you go to Yo Sushi!)

2. You get to press a button


Remember back through the ages to when you were four (or the other week when you were eighteen) and you were waiting at a zebra crossing. Remember the satisfaction you felt from pressing the button, before anyone else could. That is how pressing a button to attract the waiter's attention feels like. It's clearly the future of eating out!

3. Your meal is on a conveyor belt, DUH!


Self explanatory, if you don't think this is even remotely cool, then get to France.

4. It's hardly any calories


I looked on the website and each dish is about on average 150 Calories, which isn't actually too bad for a main meal.

5. It's cheap


I always manage to spend about a tenner and it is always a tenner well spent. Plus if you're a student, if you print off a voucher, you can get 25% off.

I doubt many people will understand my passion for Yo Sushi! but it is more the experience than anything, plus it makes me feel cultured which is hard to achieve when you live in a craphole (or a derelict, grey, miserable settlement for the more eloquent and poetic of you out there) such as East Kilbride. So eh aye, first blog in ages, no bad, no bad!

Moshi, Moshi!

Konichiwa!