What I would do if I won £166 Million Pounds...

1. I would stare at the television in disbelief and check my ticket a hundred times. I would then ask each of my family members to check it a hundred times. I would then place the ticket in my bra for safe-keeping. I would then update my status on Facebook, simply putting 'Holy Shitballs' as a cryptic clue into my new wealthy status.

2. I would ring Camelot I guess and see what would happen then. They'd probably take a few hours to actually collect me or whatever so I'd open my bottle of Champagne I've been saving and drink the whole lot with my immediate family members.

3. After meeting with Camelot, I'd ring my closest friends and tell them that I am a multi-millionaire but nothing will change (except for the awesome night outs we'd have from now on). I'd also ring up Sainsburys and give them my four week notice. I'd probably still work there for four weeks whilst I acclimatise to wealth. I'd also tell 'her' where to shove it and the look on her face would be worth more than the millions I had won.

4. I would announce to Facebook that I had been the one who had won the Euromillions and see the amount of people try to become my best friend in the next half an hour. It would be quite amusing but I know who my real friends are so I'd delete the rest.

5. Once the money was firmly in my account, I'd be jetting off to Florida for three weeks with my immediate family as quickly as I could, staying in a lovely villa that I would later buy with a beautiful car (Chaffeur - driven naturally) with enough money to buy as much of a mall as I wanted and unlimited passes to the Theme Parks with Fast Passes. I'd hire two Bodyguards too, one called Mr Bubbles and the other called Alfredo.

6. Whilst in Florida, I would have had time to get my thoughts together without the prying of family members and false friends. Once I came back, I would have by then decided how I was dividing my money. I would give my Mother, Father, Sister and brother £3 Million each. I would give other immediate family members £1 million each and my closest friends £500,000 each (that should be more than enough to pay for Florida 2014). I would then give ten charities £2 million each including the National Autistic Society, Cancer Research UK and RSPCA. I would also give a million each to Duncanrig's autistic base, Crosshouse Primary and Greenhills Primary.

7. I would then go about buying all the little things I've ever wanted. I'd buy an iPad, a new laptop, a professional camera, an iPod for each type of music I like and colour-code them so I could choose what I listened to depending on what mood I was in. I'd take a week intensive course of learning to drive and once I had passed my test, I would get a nice car, not a sporty one though, just something I felt comfortable in, like an Aston Martin. I would pay off all my debts, including SAAS and finally, enter HMV with a trolley and get every single DVD I have ever desired and spend a day with Mr Bubbles putting them into alphabetical order.

8. I would start to invest in property, starting by buying a penthouse apartment in the city centre of Glasgow and then buying a nice home in the country for the Summer. I'd hire a butler and I would call him Jeeves. I'd also buy property in Rome, Florida, Bulgaria and Monaco to name but a few. I would furnish all of these by myself and have much fun doing so. I would deck my pad in Glasgow out with every gadget you can think of and a massive television screen so I could watch my DVD's in beautiful High Defintion (none of this 3D shit). I would install a gym so I could get healthy and I'd get laser eye surgery so I wouldn't have to wear glasses anymore.

9. Finally, I'd complete university so that I could get a degree which would benefit me in the future and give me something to do and finally, invest some of my money into shares, so I could become even richer.

Sounds like an amazing plan to be honest, now, the only snag is the fact that I haven't won £166 Million Pounds...

Message in a Bottle?

Last night, I dreamed I was on holiday with the school and one of the activities organised was one that involved Mrs Rennie splitting us up into pairs for an 'acting' activity. My activity was to act the role of a woman who was having a heated argument with a jar of Ragu Tomato and Basil Pasta Sauce (which was played excellently by Laura). We were arguing over how to make Spaghetti Bolognese, a very serious matter, I am sure you will agree. Obviously, my performance would have won many accolades in reality, but I don't need to tell you that.

And before you ask, Yes, I do question my sanity because let's be honest, debating with an inanimate glass vessel containing pulverised tomatoes is not your average daily behaviour. I'm not sure what kind of message this dream was hinting at but if you do have any ideas, please let me know, as my subconscious seems to be a very cryptic little bugger sometimes.

I woke up with the news today that baby Harry had been in hospital overnight and it seems he may have Bronchitus, a nasty, horrible illness. Luckily, he was let out this afternoon so panic over but I hope he gets better soon!

With this in mind, I was slightly late in going to Debby's house for 'Lord of the Rings' day. We had a few minor hiccups involving the wretched first disc not playing (I wholly blame my brother for this, he will be getting a stern talking to, If I ever remember to give him stern talking to that is) but it was fine, the second disc worked and that's where all the action really starts anyway. We spent the whole afternoon and evening watching Lord of the Rings, just chatting and just generally getting to know my way around 'The Crackden'. I left around ten and walked the harsh, treacherous ten minute walk to my house (which is possibly a 000000.1 on the 'Walking to Mordor' scale).

Tomorrow, Devon, Ellyn, Mother dearest and Calum are going to La Plage for some 'Sunny Intervals' Whether these intervals last twenty seconds or twenty minutes remains to be seen). We're taking a picnic and I'm taking my Thomas the Tank Towel, which I am rather excited about because I can show the population of Troon beach, not just those who read this blog, just how awesome I am.

Boy, you got my heartbeat runnin' away...

So ...I decided to get a sleeping pattern and I can't say at this moment in time that it was the best decision I have ever made. I did not get to sleep till 4am last night and it was getting light. That's my normal bedtime so it was a bit of a let down when I made the awfully hard effort of tearing myself away from my unimportant laptop business at half one in the morning. Clearly, my body clock is so out of sync, it is unbelievable. I shall not give up though, bed in about ten minutes for me (once I have completed this blog, naturally).

I have noticed that sleeping patterns can be hazardous though, for example, the fact I like a Nicki Minaj song when every fibre of my being should hate her and everything she stands for. I mean, what is the deal?! Although, you cannot dispute the fact that she is very pretty and has an amazing ass (I'm genuinely hoping this new 'lesbian' side to me is only a phase and will disappear after the sleeping pattern has been well-established...)

MEN, MEN, MEN, MEN, MEN...

Aye, that will do quite nicely...

That's better! In other news, men with beards do it for me as well now. Devon and me have likened this to the fact that there is a wonderful abundance of facial hair in 'Game of Thrones' (which I am struggling to watch because I know 'he's' going to die, stupid Wikipedia). So many beards, so little razors, it's just wonderful to be honest. I think I would have fitted well into the dark ages to be honest (well, apart from the disease, lack of sanitation and the threat of getting your head chopped off over the littlest thing)...

Well, maybe not then... but Sean Bean does it for me. He shouldn't but he does and I do not know why, especially at his age. Maybe it's his excellent beard-growing skills or the fact he was in Lord of the Rings (Oh, and when he was in Sharpe, yes, he was yummy!) However, you are reading the blog of a girl who thinks Alan Rickman and Jeremy Irons is fair game (don't judge me, there are plenty of girls in the same predicament and if you're not one of them, then shame on you).

Oh yes.

Probably should go to bed now, Debby and me are having a Lord of the Rings day tomorrow and we are having Dinosaur Jelly, which I'm too excited about.

I shall be seeing you tomorrow, Boromir!

Freedom and Liberty...

I have new sense of freedom. Not having to blog about holiday anymore and forcing myself to complete the chronology beautifully has given me a new lease of blogging life. I'm not sure how to celebrate in all honesty but a  grand parade through the streets of East Kilbride would be a good start, with free alcohol and sushi.

Now THAT would be a party!

Day Eight - "Daylight come and me no wanna go home..."

Monday, 20th June 2011

I woke up at quarter to eleven and held a serious debate...in my head. To shower or not to shower? (Not that I was smelly anything, just for extra freshness). The debate lasted for quite a while before finally, this house believed that I should indeed, go for a shower, which was all fine and dandy until I realised the straightners were packed away so up my hair went.

We had to check out at 12pm so we got out with fifteen minutes and bid a sorrowful farewell to our home away from home for a week. Lauren had tidied up the day before (I had been the tidy freak at the beginning of the holiday) and the flat was more or less back to normal (apart from the five or so plastic bags of rubbish). We checked out at reception and then we went into the boys room. Grant, Lauren and me went for lunch whilst the others started packing and then once it hit three, we all left our rooms, put our luggage in the room and went out onto the beach promenade for some serious shopping.

The dogs we befriended whilst shopping!

I bought presents for my family (cause' I'm nice like that) and mostly hung out with the guys whilst the other girls did serious shoe and bag shopping (something I don't mind occasionally but I am in no way hardcore about it). It was when I declared that I found shoe shopping boring that a connection between Grant and myself sparked, he declared his love for me and I declared a love for him (and his SYP expenses) and at that very moment, we became engaged. The wedding is to be soon and Grant has found a ring for me already, therefore, I am impressed by his commitment already. We then made our way back up to the hotel but not before having a game of mini - golf. Now, I know how legendary I am at Pool but I was actually quite good at the golf and came fourth overall, a respectable score I'll have you know!

It was around nine o' clock at night when we got back to the hotel and we sat in the lobby for a while before going for our last meal at the restaurant. It was a very sad occasion indeed, especially as we were so used to seeing Chris and Julie everyday. However, Chris had already moved onto his new 'BBFL', Shaun from Sunderland which left Scott slightly upset I think. We then played pool, where Scott found out just how talented I am at the game and we decided to get a few pictures with the hole outside our hotel (the photo shall explain it). We kind of went a bit mad with the said hole to be honest but at least in some small way, we all got our hole on holiday.

The girls in the hole!

Our coach was due to pick us up between 1am and 1.30am but it was slightly late however, it eventually arrived and I bid farewell to Poseidon, the supermarket, Disco Orange and the waterpark all on the way to the airport. The queues in the airport were horrific to say the least and a guy from Scotland in front of us with his mates decided it would be a good idea to throw up in the middle of the security queue which was always nice (especially with one of his mates opening the lid of the bin so we were all hit with the delectable waft of whitey). We were slightly delayed and with a McDonalds only serving toasties and hotdogs (not. even. a. big. mac.), we were all getting a wee bit grumpy. We boarded the plane not long after though and arrived back in Glasgow, very tired. I can definitely say when I got into my bed after getting back from the airport, I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

So, let's sum up the holiday, eh?

It was bloody good. The weather was awesome all the time, the drinks and food were cheap, the banter was flowing, the trousers were ripping, the lips were pulling and the fun never stopped. Thanks guys for a great holiday, I will remember it for the rest of my life, mainly when Grant fell through the wall but all the other sweet moments too!

I'M FREE FROM CONTRACTUAL HOLIDAY BLOGS, YAY!

Day Seven - "Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday"

Sunday, 19th June 2011

We woke up quite early and as it was Lauren's birthday, I presented her with a card that had money inside and a big birthday badge! We had to get up early because we had decided the previous day that we were going to go to the waterpark. Lauren and me got ready pretty quickly and made our way to the boy's room. Richard had returned but had had no sleep and Grant was sleeping and was still incredibly drunk from the night before. Amy had returned too and was drunk as well. We managed to wake the 'dragon' and Grant still drunk decided to declare us all bastards and throw towels at us. I have to admit, it was incredibly amusing.

By some sort of divine intervention, we all made it to the bus stop on the main road and we were told that a free bus to take us to the water park would arrive soon. It was swelteringly hot that day and when the bus arrived, we were quite thankful for a bit of shade. As we were driving along, Grant was overcame by the onset of incoming whitey (such an eloquent way to put it) and stuck his head out of the moving bus and did the deed. (But remember, as Shrek once said, it's better out than in...side the bus).

We arrived at the water park and bought cool wee wristbands, that you put money on and then scan it at the bar (if you say wanted a few cheeky wee cocktails at the pool bar). We all got ready and then I accompanied most of the troops to the slides (except for Amy, who wanted a snooze). I had a wee swims and a few milkshakes at the bar (which were so fucking good in the hot weather) and then I had a wee sleep in the sun (without getting burnt, which is an incredible feat).

We spent the whole day at the waterpark and eventually we got back to the hotel at 7pm and went for dinner around nine. We lead Lauren downstairs and the whole table was decorated with balloons and party blowers that Lisa had bought and Grant had organised. Once we had finished dinner, Chris brought out a cheesecake with sparklers and we all sang 'Happy Birthday' (again)!

Lauren and her cheesecake

We then decided to go on a bar crawl and we stopped at this place called Bikini Beach which was fully of comfy chairs and snugs on the beach. We stayed there for two hours and then went further up. I bumped into Ryan (yes, from Wolverhampton) and he was doing the same thing but we went our separate ways and eventually, we gave up and went back whilst Amy and Lisa stayed out. Lauren and me had to get up early to check out of the hotel (we decided to buy late check-out for the other two rooms) so we went to bed relatively early!

Day Six - "Baby, I swear this is Deja Vu"

Saturday, 18th June 2011


I will not make any excuses, I got up at about 1pm on this day, absolutely fucking knackered after the night (and morning) before. Yet again, we got into the holiday routine of pool, sunbathe, wait for Lauren to come back from the internet cafe and then grab lunch before playing pool games till about 5pm! We then discussed what we were going to do that night. Eventually (and I mean eventually loosely, because it took quite a while), we decided to go back to Disco Orange and go to Hed Kandi (which I can't lie, the rock goddess in me was not keen on). However, once we discovered it was another bar crawl, we got quite excited.

We had dinner and it was kinda awkward to be ordering food from Chris, seeing as we had socialised with him the night before but we got over it and enjoyed a nice meal, again. We were a little late to the bar crawl and so we met up with them halfway to the second bar, 'La Guaba' a wee beach hut kind of bar situated on the beach! I nearly had a panic situation where I temporarily lost my purse but I kept my cool as did Lauren and we found it sitting under my chair. As we were moving onto the next bar, we got our first free shot, caramel vodka. Now, it sounds nasty but in actual fact, it was the most delicious shot I have ever...shotted.

Outside La Guaba

We marched our way to the next stop on the bar crawl, 'The Flying Dutchman', with free shot in tow! We sat outside on the balcony and spoke to Tori for a while before dashing to the dancefloor when '500 Miles' by The Proclaimers came on (We Scots like to keep our spirit alive, even in foreign countries). As we were leaving the Dutchman, the clock striked twelve and we all turned into Pumpkins (Well, we didn't but it sounded good) or, Lauren turned nineteen. We got a good number of the bar crawl to sing happy birthday and then made our way to Disco Orange, with Lisa attempting to tell a few of the punters her legendary shark joke...

Our first group photo!

When we got into Disco Orange, it was markedly more empty than it was on the Wednesday and the chillout zone was closed (sadface) but that just meant more room to dance in and shorter queues for a drink! I can honestly say it was the second best night of the holiday! I can now say I have danced on top of a bar, the bar staff were dancing with us and it was just brilliant. We met up with the Brummies again who were excellent as per usual!

Lauren and me with some of the Brummies!

Lisa and me with a very flexible bar man!

We were then ushered into the next room and Ryan, from Wolverhampton (I am genuinely incapable of saying just 'Ryan') came up to me and we spoke for a while before he got on his knees and literally begged me to come back to his apartment at the Palazzo. What can I say? I am clearly a fucking stud muffin. Still turned him down but! It got to that time again when we were getting tired and Lauren, Lisa and me, the wee trio walked back to the hotel again but not before we pole danced and I got my hands on a cone and had a cheeky stop in McDonalds. We walked up and met up with Katy who was by herself sitting outside the supermarket near our hotel for some reason and when everyone had got back we discovered that both Amy and Richard were missing again and everyone was pished and out looking for them. After I prevented Katy going to look for them both, and with Grant looking for them, I sort of went to my apartment, intending to stay up but then went to bed, exhausted.

Katy and me

Pole Dancing, like a boss!

2wentys rep, Ryan and me!