Hello readers! I have now finally got the lounge to myself as father retired to be two minutes ago after being up nearly twenty four hours. He will never win the 'I can stay up the longest' game when I am playing and therefore, he should have realised this before he stayed up later than he should of (not that my Dad knows this but hey, what can I say? I'm a naturally competitive person, everything is a game).
I cannot get over the fact that I am not working this Saturday night. Most people would make the most of it by going out and getting completely and utterly rat-arsed but I have neither the will nor the funds to accomplish such at-arsery. However, I am keeping all necessary funds for Miss Duffy's birthday night out on Sunday which I am incredibly excited about. (Hello, private butler in our very own band room with midnight muchies and a wii? Yes please!). A stroke of brilliance if you ask me. Best thing about it? We're getting it for free!
Today, I spent the day with Duffman as we shopped and again, I bought three packets of eyelashes. That's now me got about £35 worth of eyelashes for £5. An absolute shocker of a bargain and one that makes me very happy. I'm also rather obsessed with my new hairspray which dries into a glue. Sticking my hand together has been a very amusing element of my day...
I was then the first person bestowed the honour of viewing her new room, which is very pretty, even if it is completely odd how it has changed position and such like. Also, being the true friend I am, I went through the painful procedure and the labour-intensive process of choosing an outfit for her on Sunday, with four possibilities! Jeez, it has become apparent that a career in the fashion industry may be my calling (or not...)
Final 'Summation' (I LOVE THE GRADUAL REPORT - You should totally look it up on Youtube)
It's my beautiful cat's first birthday today, we've had our ups and downs, including finding out that our beloved 'Millie' had turned into our beloved 'Biffy' but I wouldn't change him (her) for the world. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIFFY!
It's a Friday morning and I am incredibly bored, therefore, when boredom hits, strange things happen, in order to be amused. That is my excuse for my new direction in life anyway and to be honest, it is a clearly plausible and natural solution. Tonight, I want to become a gangster and thus, I am listening to as many gangster and rap songs I can to become a fully-fledged 'homie' that belongs to the 'ghetto' (It ain't happening, I realise this but God loves a trier (or whoever resides up in the sky)!). I can see people disagreeing with my placement of some of these songs in this genre but to you select people I say BREEZE (I may have googled Gangster slang, emphasis on 'may'...)
So Scandalous A.M.Y (as I now wish to be referred to in my hood) has picked her top five gangster and rap songs to get 'yo freak' on for da weekend' (also an excellent wee ditty). Yes, even as a homie, I can still refer to myself in third person. SKILLZ (Man, this is going to look embarassing in about a week's time but hey ho...).
5. Nelly - 'Just a Dream'
This is not your typical gangster/rap song but it is romantic nonetheless and it features Nelly. That should be enough for you lot. I guess the part you really get your freak on is the bit when it goes 'Uh, uh, uh'. At this part of the song you should hold your arm out, with your hand held out straight and bring it up and down in time with the music whilst nodding your head in an agressive, threatening way. Singing along will also bag you brownie points.
Immortal Line - 'The love of my life, my shawtie, my wife'
4. Eminem - 'Lose Yourself'
My favourite Eminem song, it is so gritty and really describes what life is like in the hood (not that I would have any sort of clue). For this rap, I would recommend crossing your arms and again, nodding the head in time with the music. By utilising this technique, fellow homies should respect you (or laugh at you, one of the two).
Immortal Line - 'There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti'
3. 50 Cent ft. Olivia - 'Candy Shop'
This song is designed for two people because dancing in a club by yourself to this song may make you look slightly strange. Grabbing a guy and politely dancing with him in no way that is sexual or dirty would be recommended here (How strange, my sarcasm detector went off there...). The beat is quite slow here so don't do anything to fast, it would not look right.
Immortal Line - 'I got the magic stick, I'm the love Doctor'
2. Nelly and various other artists - 'Nasty Girl (Notorious B.I.G Tribute)
Of course, Notorious B.I.G was a prolific music artist in this genre and when he sadly died, the only right thing to do would be to release a number of songs in his memory. The first of these was P Diddy's 'I'll be missing you', which in its own right is a truly brilliant song but 'Nasty Girl' is definitely a good song to get yo' groove on. Plus it has a cameo from Naomi Campbell, Pharell and Nelly (Hell yes).
Immortal Line - 'Pull your G-string down south'
1. Lil Jon and the Eastside Boys featuring the Ying Yang Twins - 'Get Low'
If you want the perfect gangster song to really get yo' groove on with, you cannot go wrong with 'Get Low'. The song contains such high lyrical prowess, the like of which had never been heard before. The song's simple beat as well just makes it the perfect soundtrack to drive around your hood with your bling on. A combination of the dance moves mentioned before will make you a God when it comes to this song.
Immortal Line - 'To the window, to the wall, till the sweat drops down my balls, all you bitches crawl'
So, that's my top five gangster tracks covered. Happy grinding homies!
Final point, I could not compose this chart without ending on Will Smith. The man is a legend (seriously, he was in 'I am Legend') and his contribution to rap music should never be overlooked. So, here is 'Big Willie Style' dedicated to 'All the big willies'.
This is me. Well, biologically it is not me, I just happen to share the same name as a woman pro-body builder. I found her after I typed my own name into google and it was an interesting find to say the least. To be honest, I do not wish to become a man (which she/he clearly and most undoubtably is) but I want to shed my couch potato skin and actually get to some sort of acceptable level of fitness (like being able to climb hills sober and at the pace of an elderly woman as opposed to a slug).
1. NO MORE JUNK FOOD
I really cannot emphasise this enough. No more takeaways or fast food! It's naughty and bad. Also, I broke my four - month Greggs Sobriety today, I am off the wagon so I need my friend's full support to get me back on the said proverbial wagon. Instead, I will eat three meals a day, with lots of foods that will fill me up and drink shitloads of water. I will also invest in some serious chewing gummage. Also, the consumption of Yo Sushi! will rise too as the japanese have one of the most healthiest diets in the world. I will however lay off the Chocolate Mocci as I am imposing an allergy of Chocolate, Biscuits and crisps on myself (Side effects include forcing oneself to read 'Heart of Darkness', the worst book ever written, no-one wants that).
I suppose I'll live... in perpetual happiness!
2. JOIN THE FECKING GYM
This is a working progress. Laura and me are enquiring on Friday and due to awesome student status, I get a membership for £20 a month! It also gives you access to the pool, classes and SAUNA, YES, SAUNA! I will also try and walk for at least an hour a day too, with hill training involved (a hill the size of a mole hill perhaps). I will also join at least two classes a week, maybe Yoga and play badminton with Debby!
NB - The following list details famous men who have been found to be incredibly sexy in their old, twilight years. It is not solely based on looks as many men included in this list may have, for example, voices that are found to be incredibly sultry or they may be lucky and possess both the looks, voice and wit that makes a man extremely sexy. Additionally, men who are old presently but were deemed to be attractive in their younger years are automatically considered sexy old men, even if they have lost a little of their glamour. The list is presented in no particular order and there may be omissions that will be counteracted when more sexy old men are either discovered, aged or remembered. Feel free to comment on this list and any suggestions will be warmly welcomed.
It is now after all the films are released that I choose to become a fan girl. This is a genuine 'Fuck My Life' moment. It would be acceptable if I was at the tender age of fourteen but I am nineteen and I am feeling the need to pour my heart out about Harry Potter and in particular, Snape and Neville Longbottom. So, to preserve my dignity and to not annoy the fuck out of people with constant posts about Neville, I shall instead blog my heart out about them both, to my heart's content (and I have a very big heart, that beats for Neville).
Snape
Alan Rickman is sixty-five, a bona fide old-aged pensioner. And yet, when he dresses up as Snape, something inexplicable happens. He was a definite feature made on the 'Extremely Sexy Older Men' list that Ellyn and me spent time compiling (the said list will be coming to a blog near you soon). The story of Snape is just so heart-wrenching. He was such a misunderstood creature and to be honest, I would have hated James Potter too, he sounds like a right arrogant twat. And his love for Lily is just so pretty and nice and clearly, she should have ended up with him. If only he hadn't become a death eater...
In the movie, when he held Lily in his arms after she died, I sobbed, literally sobbed. I wanted to hug him so bad and tell him everything was going to be okay but by this point he was already kinda dead. He shall live on in my heart though, and in the film series of 'Harry Potter'.
I typed Snape in Google, this legend of an image appeared before my eyes, like magic!
Neville
He was a cute child in the first few films, then he went a bit goofy and out of proportion. But he really pulled it out of the proverbial bag for the last movie. He was a bloody hero, a goddamn hero and rather surprisingly, 'Ooftay'. He's got the broad shoulders, the stubble, the amazing teeth and the nice eyes. HE'S FREAKIN' PERFECT! (For me anyway, I know some people don't share the same sentiments but that's okay, less people to compete with).
The man is a style icon. Do you remember his pyjamas in the first film? Or the black pointy hat he wore at the end of year feast? And his striped cardigan in the last film was a true fashion piece that will never date but that just shows how much of a legend this man is. He's also nearer to my age at twenty-two, a far more acceptable suitor than Alan Rickman would ever be. He has now been giving the honour of replacing Jake Gyllenhall as my desktop background and I may even promote him to my phone too because I am a top guy (woman).
I have realised I sound like a crazed stalker but I shall not apologise.
Oh, how I hate my obsessive nature. Once I find an interest on something, I'm like a dog with a chew toy, not letting go (and I'm pretty sure I could have chosen a better analogy than that one, enjoy that image people).
Okay, I think I have outpoured my feelings on this matter, for now anyway. Keep calm and carry on denizens!
It's my two-hundredth birthday! I know, I look great for my age, don't I? The secrets to my good looks are copious amounts of alcohol and possessing very little shame (which makes for interesting and amusing story-telling). All joking aside, I have now hit two hundred blogs, an amazing feat for someone like me who gets bored very easily.
However, I would like to take this opportunity to say thanks to anyone who reads this blog, even if it just a dog who licks the screen, it makes me a very happy chappy (despite the fact that I am a girl) to see people interested. Here's to the next two hundred blogs (or not, I may become disillusioned with life or the internet could explode, anything is plausible).
Today, my childhood died. It completely died. I am now a bona fide adult. After over a decade of reading the books and anticipating the movies, Harry Potter is over and I will now mourn its loss by reading all the books and watching the films again, especially the books now that Pottermore is due out soon (which I am so excited for).
When it comes to Harry Potter, I'm a bit of a freak. I consider it like it really has happened, a part of our history. I genuinely half-hoped that on my eleventh birthday I would receive a letter inviting me to attend Hogwarts. It baffled me how JK Rowling could have made this all up if she hadn't of relived the experience herself. But there was no letter and it was all very sad (Oh, how woeful and pathetic that was).
I'm also a freak in regards to the fact that I find Snape 'nommable', a very high and honourable level of prettiness. I was practically sobbing when he died, I was distraught. But as one phoenix dies, another grows in its place, I would consider that to be none other than Neville Longbottom, who has gotten seriously hot with age. The striped cardigan was just excellent, if you're going to save the world, do it in a striped cardigan knitted by your Gran. He has made such an impact that I have added him to my List of Inspirational People on Facebook and I will fully support his campaign if he chooses to run for Minister of Magic.
Harry Potter may have won the war but Neville Longbottom was the true hero of the Battle of Hogwarts!
This blog was written Monday, 18th July 2011 AP (After Potter).
