Day Two - 'Yeah, we took too many shots, think we kissed but I forgot'

Tuesday, 14th June 2011

Lauren and me arose from our slumber at around five to one where we realised we had five minutes to get ready for the welcome meeting. We made it, just and Lauren and me joined Amy, Katy and Lisa at the table for the meeting, the only other ones there being a group of older people. Our holiday rep, Tori (actually Victoria but Tori does sound better so I'll give it to her) gave us the lowdown on the resort and the personal recommendation of our very own hotel restaurant. She then provided details on the bar crawl '2wentys', a travel firm within First Choice that is specifically catered for people in my age group were holding that night and spotting an opportunity to get to know the area at night (and obviously the incentive of free shots in every bar), we all decided to part ways with the equivalent of £7.50 to get free entry into three bars and two clubs (not bad).

We then went to the supermarket in the hotel and got a chocolate croissant for breakfast (which was quite tasty, usually these companies can be stingy with the filling but the chocolate was proportionally spread out throughout the whole length of the croissant. What can I say? I enjoy the little things in life). We then met up with the others and decided to go out for a walk to explore the resort along the beach promenade (that takes a full half an hour to walk across). Of course, we got to the end of the road where our hotel was where the big supermarket resides on the corner and we decided to go in and get some supplies (we were self - catering after all). I decided to be good and get sandwich supplies and strawberry - flavoured pina colada of course. Once we dropped off our purchases at the apartment, we again attempted to go for a walk and this time, we were successful. I recognised it well from when I had last been here and very little had changed so all was good. I managed to buy a shot glass from a wee stall and Lisa and me got a 50p ice cream to enjoy whilst we walked along the beach (definitely a good shout). At around five o clock, we decided to head back to the hotel and get ready seeing as we had to meet Tori at the bus stop for quarter to eight.

Lauren and me got ready pretty speedily and decided to go and bother the guys, all of whom were either in the process of getting ready or not ready at all (not pointing any fingers at Scott whatsoever). We were eventually just waiting on Amy getting ready but we made it out to the hotel and went to the Steakhouse opposite the hotel (the promoter literally made us promise we would go to it). It was pretty empty except for the karaoke band and a couple but when the waitress handed out free tequila slammers, well, we simply couldn't refuse. Lisa and me shared a massive calzone and I was given a large vodka and orange that I literally could not drink because it was too strong. Amy and Katy decided to go and find a pay phone whilst we sorted out the bill. With time ticking away, we managed to leave the restaurant with two minutes to spare till we needed to be at the bus stop but by some miracle, we got there in time and met up with Tori and another 2wentys rep and got on the bus to the top of the resort (or as some may call it, 'Party Central').

The girls on holiday!

The first stop on the crawl was a bar called 'Jacks', a british bar. We were informed that we would get our free shot after we left the bar which allowed us to queue to get a drink from the bar. The bar was quite small and due to the sheer number of people on bar crawl, it took forever to get a drink. I finally got a 'Banana Boat' cocktail and I was quite happy, sipping on that. We were then introduced to the rules of the bar crawl by Tori. You were not allowed to hold your drink in your right hand (which is harder than it sounds, believe me, holding your drink in your left hand just doesn't feel natural at all). Girls were not allowed to play with their hair (which I did not abide by at all) and boys were not allowed to have their hands caught down their, 'ahem', pants. (Let's not go down there, if you will forgive the pun).

Fish bowl for £40? No thank you.

As we left, we were given a fruity shot, which was quite nice and then the crawl made its way across the road to Slam's Cafe, the second destination on the bar crawl. We were given a shot as we entered and then got served at the bar relatively quickly. However, it became apparent that the rules of the bar crawl did not extend to people who had two drinks, therefore one had to be downed pretty much as soon as you got it. Combining this with pumping music and drinking games, the night began to get messy and by the time we left that bar, everyone was merry, nighing on drunken mess. We then headed next door to the first club of the night, Revolution, which was an amazing club. It was large and well air-conditioned (very much welcomed in my opinion) and the queue at the bar went down quickly. That was when it got really messy. After the reps decided to put the Hokey Cokey on, a game got underway, involving four men and four bottles of beer...

Hokey Cokey-ness!

The basic aim of the game was for the guys to walk backwards to their bottle of beer and neck it, the first one to do so winning the game. However, in true, 2wenty's fashion, the men were told to take each item of clothing they had off, one by one until they were in their boxers. I genuinely thought that would be it but no, someone shouted for them to go fully naked and despite the rep claiming it was 'totally voluntary' each of them stripped down and were completely starkers. Now, in the previous bar, I had met a lovely man, whose name I never did find out but I called him Brummie and he called me Glasgow (no names, so, mysterious don't you think?) At this precise moment, he decided to come up and say 'Hello' again before noticing there were four naked men in front of him. He then proclaimed that he didn't want to watch it because he wasn't gay and walked away. Oh, how I laughed. But anyway, back to the naked men. They were next told to get on their hands and knees and crawl backwards to the beer but of course before it could get started, one woman proceeded to bite every single one of the guy's bums and then one girl decided to and there is genuinely no other way to put this, suck the guy's cock on the end (Yum.) Finally, the game got underway and all four men crawled backwards and downed their beers (no hands covering their appendages either). Then the reps (and Scott, who was eager to participate) proceeded to pour what beer remained in the bottle over the guys heads. Although I had never seen such public humilation, nakedness and penis in my life before, I also could not stop laughing, even as things returned to normal and the dancing went back underway!

No words...

We then left through the back door of the club and went to the fourth place, Club Tropicana, which was right on the beach and on stilts almost. We got in and due to the place being so dark, I could not see the prices. Plus, the english guy next to me had difficulties ordering with the bar maid so I played it safe with a Barcardi Breezer (probably a good thing, I was 'gone' by this point). I guess it was just after this I got my holiday pull count rolling. However, I wanted to die when Grant went to shake his hand after we had 'ahem' finished. It was also probably around this point when Scott pulled a girl, then Grant pulled the same one so Scott moved onto her best friend. Oh, the amusement I had when I informed them that they were on our flight home (Hehehehee...) Then, I ventured outside into what could be described as a veranda, balcony - type thing where Amy and Katy were talking with a group of irish lads. Ryan from Wolverhampton, who got my personal pull count going came back for 'ahem' seconds and Lauren, bless her, came over to speak to me before she realised what was going on and apologised for interrupting. Lauren and me spoke for a while before Grant came up to us and began leaning on the wall, telling us his adventures in the bar. The only problem was, the wall was not actually a wall, more like a net cordoning off another part of the bar. Yeah... the net snapped and Grant went tumbling down a few steps and split his trousers along the inner leg. The irish lads laughed and pointed before Amy informed that indeed, we were all with him. However, I can honestly say I have never laughed so much as I did at that point and it made my night, if not my entire holiday. Grant, in his drunken state shrugged it off and went on with the night, the trooper!

We then left Club Tropicana and headed to the final destination, Iceberg! Whilst walking Ryan and three of his friends enclosed around my personal bubble asking how much I 'wanted' it (there were more graphic details but for the sake of common and public decency, they shall not be posted). Lauren and me then talked with the brummies as we queued to get in. With a free shot of Sambucca, I really was absolutely out of my box. The night is a blur of toliet queues, dancing on a pyramid - shaped podium, choosing who was the hottest out of the brummie lot (the one I chose had a girlfriend, bummer) and in general dancing. At this point it was only Lisa, Lauren and myself until Grant grabbed us and told us that if we valued his friendship at all, we would wait outside for him. Now, we decided McDonalds was an excellent idea at this point but we decided to go to the Pizza place just outside the club, thus inadvertently following Grant's wishes. With all four of us very pished, we all held hands and walked (occasionally skipped until Grant nearly fell on Lisa) down the beach promenade back to the hotel. We spied a Subway on the way back and Grant asked who was up for one. Despite it being an excellent shout, none of us had any cash on us but we feared for nothing, as Grant whipped out his bank card and bought us all subways (I would like to take the opportunity to state that I asked numerous times if he was sure, which he replied 'Yes'. In no way did I take advantage of a very drunk man.) Ordering from Subway was fun, due to the fact all the staff gathered round to watch Grant announce that he already had a twelve inch and other various jokes and drunken behaviour. We scranned our subways and then finally got back to the hotel. I put Lauren to bed and left with Lisa to wait in her apartment for the other girls to show up. Katy came back with a cut knee so we all turned nurse and looked after her. It was only at this point we realised that Richard had not been seen since Revolution and was now missing. I stayed up till three worrying then decided it was pointless and went to bed, hoping he'd be back by the time I woke up the next morning!

A brilliant first night! But where is Richard?

Ooft, left that on a cliffhanger, didn't I?

Day One - 'We're flying on a jet plane'

I need to start blogging about holiday otherwise I will forget everything! So I shall start now...

Monday, 13th June 2011

Now, I do not know about you lot but I am a firm believer that the first day of any holiday includes the day you actually physically travel on. On this said day then, I got up really early, mainly because my sister woke me up by spraying perfume in my face (Not intentionally she says but I beg to differ, hurumph!). Although my face now smelled nice and floral with a hint of musky vanilla (totally making this up...), my sleep was sadly interrupted and I got up at half eight (an insane time to be out of bed), rather grumpy. Not a great start to a day that promised to be exciting and happy. My Dad was up though so I managed to spend some time with him before he went off to work in Leeds for the week. Of course, the way we spent it was naturally introducing him to the wonder that is The Jeremy Kyle Show and witnessing possibly the biggest fight I have ever seen on the show. We were both laughing our heads off! Then, we parted ways and I got showered and did a last baggage weight check before chilling for a few hours.

Rather surprisingly, not one tear fell from my eye as I bid farewell to my family (Oh, don't you love how Shakespearean it all sounds, if only there was a balcony around at the time, I would definitely have used that to emphasise the parting of ways... sort of getting ahead of myself now...). I'm usually quite a soppy person, I mean, I had a tear in my eye when I said 'Goodbye' to Laura, Devon and Jill at the food court (may as well keep the romance of the story up, right? Nothing quite romantic like dramatically waving goodbye to your friends outside a chinese place that caters for lovers of chips and cheese). Mother kindly drove me to Lisa's Dad's house (who was giving us a lift, not the house silly,Lisa's Dad!) and I piled into the car with Lisa, Lisa's Dad, Lauren and me and waved goodbye to mother. It was quite an entertaining car trip, Lisa's Dad is quite hilarious and we had a wee giggle on the way to the airport, often at the expense of poor Lisa's navigation skills!

Our wee trio then arrived at the airport and made our way to the very specifically pointed out rendezvous area and discovered we were the only ones there at the time. Cue march to Starbucks for a well-deserved hot chocolate (deserved because I had only gotten four hours sleep the night before and I was still in a state of buzz, commendable, yes I think so). Everyone then started to arrive, except for Katy, who texted to say she was going to be a wee bit later because her Mum had been stopped by the police for speeding! A dramatic start to the holiday, no? Thankfully, we all arrived safe and sound and checked in with relative ease. Of course, a little competition happened to see who had the lightest bag (thankfully, the baggage allowance was shared out amongst the group, news that was definitely well - received by the girls). At 14.8 kg, I just squeezed past it so I sighed relief, whilst Richard was 9kg. Genuinely cannot fathom how someone could travel so light! We then headed to security, my 'favourite part' of the whole airport experience. You could be a nun going through security and you would still feel incredibly guilty. I also managed to be the only one in the party to set off the buzzers which was of course, quite pleasant. But I made it through, despite all my worrying that I was going to be accused of some atrocious crime, falsely of course. Then, we went through Duty Free, where upon getting excited about two massive bottles of smirnoff  for £18 was dashed when it for non - EU flights only! Oh, I cannot describe the sadness felt amongst the group, it was almost tangible in a sad, depressed way. We then headed to Wetherspoons (naturally) where I enjoyed a nice Kopparberg before heading to WHSmith for a customary airplane scran, including a rather tasty chicken fajita wrap, om nom nom! I exited WHSmith to see a whoosh of Richard and Scott running which meant our gate was open, we marched in an orderly fashion to the gate where we only had to wait for ten minutes before we boarded the plane.

Lauren, me and Amy in 'Spoons' in Glasgow Airport!

Due to the fact there were two different booking references, six of were seated in the back of the plane and two were seated in the front. Now, because Lauren and me are just top guys, we decided to take one for the team and sit in the two at the front. It was at this point that I realised I did not have my leaver's hoody on my person, a fact I mentioned to Lauren but thought it was pointless going to find it now and resolved to find it when I got back from holiday (let's face it, I did not need a hoody for where I was going). An announcement in the plane said "A hoody from Duncanrig Secondary School has been found, if this is your hoody, please make yourself known to a member of the flight crew". And so my hoody was returned to me (despite it being the shitest hoody ever, I am rather attached to the darn thing).

A smooth take-off, fruit pot courtesy of Lauren, Lauren and me dancing to tunes on her iPod and a smooth landing later, we arrived in Bulgaria! We were ushered down the steps (where the iconic warm holiday breeze hit our faces) and were bussed to the airport and through passport control and baggage reclaim. The whole process took around half an hour which isn't bad. We then found our way to our travel rep and were told to get on bus thirty-eight and we all did the traditional thing of sitting at the back of the bus. Our drop-off was second and we arrived at the Poseidon Hotel. It looked nice in the photos but in reality, it was just sheer impressive. It also has a supermarket in the actual hotel which was twenty-four hour (very handy, if you get what I'm saying, especially selling schnapps for around a fiver). We checked in, got a security deposit box and then went to our respective rooms. Lauren and me were genuinely impressed with our apartment, it was actually livable. The bathroom contained a corner bath, with a step, there was a phone above the toliet. a microwave and hob and just many wonderful things to be honest.

Our gorgeous hotel, shaped like a ship because of the 'Poseidon movie', less tragic though!

We then decided we would fully utilise the supermarket's epic openess and get some nibbles in before we decided to unpack and be tidy holidaymakers (this was mainly due to the fact it was six o clock in the morning and we were not even tired). We finally decided to collapse on the sofa bed at quarter past seven and the plan was to fall asleep whilst watching MTV but due to the Sofa bed's sandy lumpiness, we retired to the bedroom and slept quite soundly for a few hours.

Lauren getting underway with the un-packing!

Team Bulgaria '11

Well, I couldn't not do a blog about holiday, could I?

I can honestly say that Bulgaria '11 was one of the best holidays I have ever been on. Absolutely nothing went wrong so I did not have to do my usual panicking and over-stressing about things, there were no major arguments between the eight of us which is an amazing feat, the hotel was amazing, the staff were lovely, the weather was hot, hot, hot, I came back with a great, even tan, the prices were phenomenally cheap and I came back with enough stories to last a lifetime! I am going back next year, whether it is with people or by myself, I literally do not care and I'm going back to the same hotel and everything, I would not want it any other way!

Now, a good place to start would be at the very beginning, which as the legendary Julie Andrews once said. 'is a very good place to start'. But I shall start it tomorrow because as another wise woman said (ergo, me) it is better to write things with a brain unclouded with tiredness!

She was a very wise woman.

Let me introduce you...

Hello lovely readers! I have now returned to the world of blogging and such like after nearly two weeks away and I'm going to celebrate my return in a somewhat odd fashion that no-one could have ever predicted in their wildest dreams.

I am going to lament the decline of Home and Away.

I used to watch Home and Away when I was around thirteen/fourteen with my mother and it has taken me five years to realise how many hot men were in it at the time I watched it. And believe me, there were many! I think my loss of viewership coincided with the loss of these hot people and that is the reason why it went downhill, in my humble but oh-so-right opinion. Of course, I cannot possibly put my thoughts out there unless I showed some evidence for the basis of my argument (hence, cue hot men photos!)

1. Kim (Chris Hemsworth)

Kim was a beautiful man, genuinely beautiful. And now he's Thor, WIN! He also was in Star Trek.




2. Jack (Paul O' Brien)

When he first arrived, complete in Police Uniform, you knew he was going to be good. Then they killed him off! GRRR! (It's hard to see the attraction from the photo but he was definitely a ten on the 'Ooft scale'!)




3. Robbie (Jason Smith)

The cute nerdy one with glasses who went off with airy fairy Tasha. At least they had a 'happy ending' (well not really, with her getting raped by a guy in a cult so they could proclaim the baby as God or something, who knows?) by leaving 'Death' bay and going to live in the USA! He then became a power ranger.

The time has come now...

Well, this will be my last blog before my holiday to the Bulge! I'm so excited I could squeee very loudly in my living room but it is 02:21 in the morning, the family are in bed snoozing and yes, I actually do have some decorum left in me before I lose it all in the next week and become a 'shameless drunk' in Sunny Beach.

Hopefully I'll have many stories to tell about my adventures in Bulgaria when I come back (and provide some much needed bloggage material, my well of witty remarks and funny statements is running dry)! Plus it keeps the girlfriend amused...

I'll miss loads of people though. Being the sad, sentimental bugger I am I'll miss my family (who I will no doubt cry when I say goodbye to them), my friends, my cat, my bed, the UK health standards and a population who all speak english (well mostly)!

However, it is Сбогом, приятели from me and hopefully I'll come back with a beautiful tan, some hilarious stories and a relatively healthy liver.

Explanation of another part of my psyche...

I inherited many things from my parents (obviously, you see, they are my parents, funny that...). I'm not being big headed but there are some good things about me. My good taste in music (I would go as far as epic but that would seem immodest of me), my sense of humour and my generosity are all good things I like about myself! But there are three things that I inherited from the darling parentals which I dislike majorly.

1. My ridiculous need to cry at everything and when I'm angry (I cried at River City once...)
2. My quick temper (Yeah, not even funny how quickly I can lose it, I even scare myself sometimes)
3. The fact that I worry about everything to such massive extremes (HATE, HATE, HATE!)

The third one is the worst to control. A few people can vouch for my worrisome nature, especially Devon who had to deal with me freaking out on the train journey to Wales from Glasgow (and that was quite stressful) and now I have to contend with the fact that I am going away abroad, without my parents, or teachers, just myself actng like an adult and being responsible for myself. Now, when I put it like that, that scares me. It's completely irrational and ridiculous. I'm the first to admit this but I like to feel safe and that part of me holds me back. I hate it with a passion as does everyone else around me but it's a part of me nonetheless and something outwith my control.

How the hell I'm going to cope going abroad by myself for three months for university is a fact I genuinely cannot contemplate right now...

I'm hoping writing it down in black and white will act as therapy for me. I am going with seven other grown-ups, three of whom went on holidays last year and came back unscathed and happy so that's good and puts my mind at rest. They also know what to expect so that puts me at ease. Also, we have a Grant, who can argue to the death which could also prove handy! I have Lauren right by my side too which helps because she understands what I'm like! And if anything does go wrong, it is outwith my control, everyone is in the same boat and I can't do anything about it! So, I'll try not to worry anymore because Bulgaria is going to be great fun! I can't believe the day has finally arrived, it's quite worrying how quick the year is going! I will be truly happy when I arrive in my apartment but for now, I'm just going to enjoy the buzz of holiday like everyone else is!

Because I've got to have faith...

Okay, the case is nearly packed, the hand luggage is sorted, music and playlists are sorted and in general, all preparations for holiday are accomplished. Now, I only had my last shift at work to get through then a state of permanent buzzing could take it's place in my soul. Judging Sainsburys track record, I was expecting the crappiest shift ever. I could not have been more wrong...

1. I was put on with Robbie, which means almost certain banter aside from the obvious fact I have someone to talk to whilst I work.

2. I was put on tills which breaks the shift up and it went quickly. I am also making less mistakes which is a good thing!

3. I had the two nicest customers in a row today. I had a lady who was about sixty in the aisle who apologised for disturbing me and asked if there were any jobs going in the place. I explained to her the recruitment process and how it's all on the internet but I felt so sorry for her, I decided to go and get her a number to ring instead. She said I was a credit to my company and thanked me. (I'm pretty sure a certain person wouldn't say that, but oh well). Then, I had to supervise self scan for a while, which was daunting and I helped an elderly couple with their shopping and then I had to go and help someone else when someone tapped my shoulder and the Grandad handed me a sweetie. I mean, how cute is that? Definitely restored my faith in good customers anyway!

4. It went so fast! It was like lightning!

So aye, Sainsbury's is finished for a few weeks, yay! So tomorrow, I'm off to the town centre with Devon, Laura and Jill (it shall be a tearful goodbye, I may launch into a rendition of Celine Dion's 'My heart will go on' to express my sadness, I'm sure they will all appreciate it, well... Jill would). I'll miss my girlies!

We can turn back the hands of time... Part Two

Due to Devon's tiredness last night (which clearly means, I was too 'ahem' energetic for her in a certain department last night and may possibly need to slow the tempo down next time I see my darling girlfriend), I had to cut the previous blog and now I'm onto part two (ooh go me, sound like a right wee author!). It also completes the contracted one blog per night set by Miss Whiplash herself (In fact, No, she would enjoy that title far too much, we'll say 'Wee Yin' instead, as Ellyn nicely put it). So where was I in my retrospective of two thousand and eleven so far? Ahh yes...

April


Trip to Edinburgh with Mark


We had discussed it for a while and then the opportunity decided to present itself on the Friday, where the weather was supposed to be glorious and shining like a proverbial star (or something particularly shiny). We did go to Edinburgh and whilst East Kilbride bathed in the shiny stuff, Edinburgh remained covered in a dark mist for most of the day. Did that stop us? Hell no. We did lot's of cultural stuff and I don't think I've ever laughed so much in my life at the mirrors in Camera Obscura. Plus, Mark running to the entrance of the Vortex Tunnel was epic.

Round Leon's


I lost my beer pong virginity, sipped a squashed frog and drank copious amounts of alcohol, culminating in crawling my way to the fridge because I could not stand anymore, to get more alcohol to finish the game of Ring of Fire (I mean, how pathetic is that? It may be time to give AA a call!). Then Jelly ended up on the ceiling and Mark tried to get it off with a broom whilst repeatedly saying 'Sweep Sweep' and we ended by reading bedtime stories to each other. All I can say is what a fecking good night!

May


Lisa's Birthday


Walking down Ashton Lane was like walking through a quaint town in the countryside, except it was right in the middle of Glasgow, next to the Hillhead Subway Station. I did laugh at the people in heels tackling the cobbles though, tee hee. We went for a bit of a pub crawl in Ashton Lane, sampled cocktails which Mark pointed out were flawed and told me how to make them better. It was also the night that the fact I'm bitched by Mark reared it's head (bad times). Then we went to the Garage afterwards where my attempts to find a nice young man only culminated in a random guy grabbing my hand as I walked past.

Eurovision


Lauren and mines most hotly anticipated event of the year finally arrived on the 14th May and it was an epic day to be honest. We made our t-shirts with pride (and mess, silly paint) and then went round to Katy's where I had a full bottle of vodka to myself and did not feel a thing (which lead me to believe I was a heavyweight, oh how wrong I was).

Birth of Cousin Harry


For most people, the birth of a cousin is not really that spectacular but because I come from a weird family, he is my only male first cousin so I was excited. He's an absolute beauty and he seems to like me as he wasn't wailing for his mum like all other babies do when I hold them.

3OH!3 Gig


After nearly forgetting about it, Lauren and me went to see 3OH!3 and Innerpartysystem at the Glasgow ABC. We also felt the need to sample two cocktails in Wetherspoons as a matter of decency to the chain and then entered Snapbooth, WIN! Both bands sounded amazing live and Sean Foreman is even more beautiful in reality.

June


Clare's Birthday


I had a great night! I drank very little, I enjoyed deep conversations with my friends, maintained a decent and graceful composure for the whole night and went home at 3am very sober and clean! (And that's how I shall maintain the night went because it is all lies and slander).

And that's the year so far! Here's to the rest of two thousand and eleven and more importantly, BULGARIA, which is in two days!

Let's go round again... Part One

A few minutes ago, I had the sudden realisation that we are basically half-way through the year, two thousand and eleven (I can't help, I genuinely don't like the look of numbers, I prefer word. Blame higher english, shrugs). Therefore, it would only be natural and obvious to write a retrospective blog as it is the perfect time to have a look back on the last six months of 'two thousand and eleven' so far (and also because I promised Devon three blogs, my woman is nothing but demanding these days).

January

Wales

Wales was supposed to be a trip to see Ellyn for her eighteenth in the beautiful city of Bangor (yes, I am acknowledging it as a city now, not a town that it clearly is) and do not get me wrong, it was exactly that but it was also... quite a formative experience for me, I guess you could say. However, I loved the little city, Ellyn's flatmates are just brilliant people to be honest, seeing Ellyn was lovely and I stressed about trains, yay. It was a great wee holiday to bring the year in with a bang (or a thrust into a wall, shrugs).

Attack Attack Gig

Lauren and me waited two years to witness the sheer awesomeness of this band live and it was worth the wait. With the inclusion of a Fraser, we watched Sacred Betrayal attract the jailbait like a fridge attracts a magnet before the band themselves got onstage. I got drunk, I went nuts and I lost my purse in the cathouse. What a night. What makes me laugh is the fact that I was more worried about losing my cinema card than my bank card, what can I say, I am clearly a woman who has her priorities in the right place.

February

Polo

Robyn finally managed to succeed in getting me to Polo and Mark came along too. The first time we went, Mark and I decided to go all posh and eat in La Vita but subsequent times merely involved a chewing gum buying spree (for obvious reasons). I was pulled by a forty year old italian man (because I will always contest that I never pulled him) and went on a first date (D'aww). Jeez, when I think about it, February was also a formative month. I also won my first game of pool fairly, I was rather chuffed.

Jill's eighteenth

What was to be the last house party, the littleon of the group finally came of age and of course, we all celebrated it in true style by getting absolutely smashed. Rolling around the floor was definitely the highlight, as was the rave, that was the best and only rave I have ever been to. John and me having an in-depth philosophical conversation about Tommy, the green ranger from the Power Rangers was of course, a brilliant part of the night. However, what a way to confuse somebody who went to sleep with a double duvet and wakes up with a single...

My Chemical Romance Gig

Yes, most people think they are shit. Most people think they are past it. And to be honest, you would not be far wrong but the fact of the matter is the concert was brilliant, The Blackout were a fantastic support band and My Chemical Romance played a great set. That was also the night I met Debby, who has since become a really good friend and also, our epic journey back to East Kilbride via the last 66!

March

My Nineteenth

I am a biased person, I know this but I really enjoyed my nineteenth. The general feedback from people was 'I expected it to be crap but it was actually really good'. I literally do not know if I take this as an insult or a compliment but when you're as mad about the eighties as I am, you could not give a flying fuck. Plus, I went behind the DJ decks, and it was beast! Oh and the cake, the cake was amazing.

Fusi's nineteenth

My first night out to an ABC clubnight and it was beast. It was my first time of experiencing a Glasgow branch of Spoons, and I cannot lie, it was love at first sight when I saw the beautiful prices on the menu. Plus, Janey looked a babe in her Florence dress! (I have deja vu, I have written that sentence before somewhere, spooky!)

Hanna visiting

It was so amazing to see my lovely Hanna again nearly nine months after she moved back to Sweden. We only spent a couple of hours together but it was lovely seeing her face in real life instead of on a Skype box. I still miss her and I hope she continues to get better but I hope her visit to Scotland did some good.

Abby's leaving night

It feels kind of strange talking about this when she comes back in three days time, it is amazing how time flies but it was strangely not a bad night out, especially for Fuzion standards. It will be good to see her again and hear about her adventures in Oz!

Work Day Out

Originally Rebecca's idea, we decided to go out for the day before our shift at work. We decided to be fat bastards and visit both Nando's (which I won't talk about due to smashing a full bottle of Peri Peri sauce) and Yo Sushi! We also went to Hamleys, which was great fun and we walked around House of Fraser, where we felt like scum of the earth, yay! Also, a trip to the apple store was a necessary inclusion.

Because Devon wants to get to her bed, I shall do part two tomorrow. Plus, that counts as my blog for the day, Wheeeeeey!

Indecisive soul...

I cannot lie, I was struggling finding material for tonight's blog. It seems people expect me to be like a fountain, spewing blogs out like Saturday's 'Chunderama' (I had to steal that word from Chris, it was far too good at reinforcing that analogy). I'm also enjoying how my antics are spreading through work like a fire, thanks to Stephen!

There is also the fact that I cannot choose a song to listen to in full on iTunes, a fact that upsets me greatly. I'm going to blame it on holiday buzzingness, which decided to finally slap me in the face at quarter to one in the morning. Great. Honestly, it's ridiculous but I am almost as excited about going into Wetherspoons in Glasgow Airport as I am to actually be going on holiday! Bang, there goes sobriety, although that has lasted quite well to be honest, well, good for me anyway!

However, I did a mammoth task last night that I am quite proud of. Sometimes, when I download music, it goes on itunes with only '01 - Born this way' as the information. It is a tad annoying, to say the least, especially because my iTunes is the only area of my life that is organised. Therefore, when all three hundred and thirty of my Queen songs decided to be nasty and appear on iTunes like that, it was worth the four hours, trawling through Wikipedia for album information and typing each song up by hand. It looks dead pretty now though so I'm quite chuffed with that.

I know I'm made happy by the littlest things but just leave me and my simple ways alone!

Something about Lauren...

There I was, just about to blog about the usual, normal stuff that I blog about when it suddenly occurred to me. The fact of the matter is, I need to talk about my best friend, Lauren. You see, the thing is, as much as it pains me to say it I think she may be going a bit mental! I say this in only a loving, caring way but I am starting to worry! The fact I could be sharing a flat with a deranged Jalapeno lover is genuinely a frightening prospect. Therefore, I shall present my evidence for the case.

Exhibit A - 'Mwahaha'

When we were walking away from the pub yesterday night, she launched into the most random and echoing evil laugh I have ever witnessed. I was bewildered to be quite honest but I let it slide because it could be down to general buzzingness for holiday... or could it be something more sinister? For all we know, she could be the next evil genius of the world but we'll cross that bridge if we come to it.

Exhibit B - 'Jalapenos'

There is no easy way to explain this so I may as well just post the conversation, word for word, no doctoring.

Exhibit C - 'Bum'

Again, the picture needs no explanation, mainly because I can't explain it. It is impossible. Also, the girl admits it herself that she is losing her sanity!

So, do I go on holiday with my deranged ginger best friend or take the safe option and run away as fast as I can?
...
I can't be arsed running so holiday it is! Plus, she's taking toastabags which is a heroic gesture to be quite honest!

I really fucking love you.

I ain't no Hollaback girl.

Now, enough of the soppy shite and onto more happier occasions! We shall speak no more of sad things (unless more sad things happen, which I hope they don't).

Today was really good, despite the half an hour sleep I got last night. I finally fell asleep about half an hour before I was due to get up (typical really). I dreamed that I was in Bulgaria and that I was using an ATM that had a flamethrower attached to it so you could light your cigarette whilst you withdrew money. (Somehow, I doubt I will take this idea to Dragon's Den...).

I got up at ten past nine (which was genuinely quite disgusting) and miraculously managed to get ready and bussed to my old school for quarter past ten where I met up with Mark as we both attended my brother's award ceremony. It was so cute, he went up twice which I was so proud of and surprisingly, I wasn't at any point getting bored of it, even though I was there for two hours! I got a few wee cheeky pictures of him too even though he was quite embarrassed by all the attention, bless him! Mark and me then temporarily went our seperate ways whilst he collected some DVD's and a scran for our 'Alien Vs. Predator' DVD day. It went quite successfully, as we watched 'Alien', 'Aliens' (which I was amazed at as we expressed a mutual liking for one character) and then 'Predator' to finish. I think the next one will be Pixar - orientated as Mark spied 'A Bug's life' and we casually starting discussing it.

GET TO DA CHOPPA!

Yeah... you.

I dislike my personality sometimes. I dislike how overexcited I get about certain things and how even though I know there is probably very little chance in something, I still get my hopes up to unattainable heights and still suffer when they come crashing down. I also dislike how it takes me what seems like forever to get over something, no matter how trivial it is. And here I am, blaming myself because that is all I seem to do nowadays whenever I think about it. I did not get any answers, any conclusive reasons and that is what annoys the fuck out of me. It is just so frustrating, I do not think you meant to do it but meh, it happened anyway. I replay it in my head nearly all the time, I think of the things I said, how they could have been misconstrued even though to most people, it would have seemed like a normal thing to say. Christ, I even criticise the outfit I was wearing. Thanks for making me this way because to be honest, I'm sick of blaming myself and I need to get a grip of myself and move the fuck on. I am a nice person, a good person and I have realised that maybe you did not deserve me because everyone deserves a chance.

So fuck you and I wish you goodbye as you exit my head for good because it is about bloody time.

Roll on hot foreign guys in Bulgaria :)

I'm here for your entertainment (Just kidding...)

I think Adam Lambert could potentially be the best looking man of all time. He has great tall, dark hair, perfect, straight teeth, a cheeky glint in his gorgeous grey eyes, and good build and height. To be quite honest with you all , he is just an absolute goddamn sex beast! Additionally, I may as well mention the fact that he has an absolutely amazing voice and had the balls to sing Bohemian Rhapsody in his audition and actually manage to do it some justice (although no-one can beat Freddie, ever).

However, as with all things (especially gorgeous men), there is one tiny little snag in this deal. He is a man attracted to males and I'm a female. GODDAMMIT! Ach well, a girl like me can dream. And a guy could potentially have his dream realised. Sadface.


It just seems to prove that real men wear eyeliner, just saying. As Billie Joe Armstrong and Jared Leto proved years ago.

Om nom nom!

Om nom nom nom!

*Dies*

I'm going back to the things I learnt so well in my youth

I have a feeling that this will perhaps be quite a short blog, mainly because I had the most unproductive day ever. I mean, do not get me wrong, I had plans. Great, productive plans as a matter of fact. Plans that involved sorting out my music on iTunes, sorting out my jewellery and getting more prepared for my holiday that is in six days time but did any of this happen? And an even better point, did I actually need to ask that rhetorical question? (That question was rhetorical too, by the way, so shoosh).

Instead, my day went like this.I woke up really late, I had a cookie and then I decided to sit and watch Queen documentaries and videos all day. Then I went for a shower that lasted an hour. Yes, I am an absolute freak.

However, I am looking forward to tomorrow (or today, shrugs). My wonderful little brother, Calum has won two awards from school so Mark (who kindly volunteered himself) and myself are going down to the school to cheer him on since 'mutti' cannot get the time off work due to strike action (which Calum got a little upset about unfortunately). Not only are we going to wear our Avondale School Captain badges (as to as Mark put it, to reclaim our titles as Captains back) and see the old school but also take full advantage of free food and drink that we seem to always miss out on when you are pupils at the school! (Also because there is jack shit in my cupboards at home, we may need to stock up).

Then afterwards, we are having an 'Aliens vs. Predators' movie day which I'm sadly excited about, plus I get to see him which is always good.

Now that blog was quite substantial, I am quite proud if I do say so myself!

Was it a good night before you brought it all back up again?

Yesterday was Clare's nineteenth birthday bash in the famous party house and I cannot lie, it was the perfect opportunity to act seventeen again. I had my Janey baby round for a few glasses of wine as our pre-drinks and a nice little catch - up that I enjoyed immensely! Then we managed to stall till about twenty-five past eight in order to give Lauren time to get ready from work (I do think she is Wonderwoman sometimes, with her quick outfit changes and all that jazz).

We arrived at Clares and it was quite strange to see everyone from school again, some of us fitted right back into the old routine and others were a bit awkward to be honest but that is to be expected I guess. It was nice to see some 'fresh' faces too (especially Stephen Golder's). Now, it sounds like it is going quite well doesn't it? Sounds like I was having a nice normal night with my friends. Oh, you would be so wrong...

The fact of the matter is that Peach Schnapps is a bad evil alcohol. It has deceived me for many years, believing it was a gentle alcohol but no, it is not and it has proved my body very wrong. I'm literally gagging as I write this. Unfortunately, there was very little lemonade at Clares and therefore, I thought it would be a good idea to drink Peach Schnapps straight from the bottle. Half an hour later, I'm lying on Clare's mum's bed, the world absolutely spinning and I feel like I'm on the world's worst rollercoaster. I then felt the need (as many a drunk does) to phone up Laura, Devon, Jill, Mark and Fraser and tell them how drunk I am. I also spoke to Michael about Aston Martins and Aston Villa which was obviously an amazing conversation. Now, all I can remember after this is sitting in the lounge, about to 'whitey' and then I remember sitting on the step in the garden, whiteying, whilst everyone watched. GO ME...

Then, Lauren, my ginger saviour saw how miserable I was and asked if I wanted to come in a taxi with her as she wanted to go and see Colin. Oh, how that was the best thing she ever did because as soon as I got home I filled a salad bowl full of whitey and my poor sister couldn't hack the smell of peach flavoured vomit and slept on the sofa. 

So yeah, couldn't really tell you much about last night as I left at twenty past twelve...

Then, this morning I woke up at half eleven and decided to show my face and listen to my antics of the night before. Then my mum made me a bacon baguette and she instantly became awesome mum because that made me feel so much better. Then, I realised I had to agreed to go into work at two because I had resigned myself to the fact that I was a heavyweight and I would never feel the effects of alcohol again. Yeah, that didn't turn out right.

So I was stuck in fresh for seven hours, helping organise the fridges after their mass breakdown and working the cheese that all went out and yoghurts. I then purchased a pasta pot for my break and no-where did it say you had to microwave it however after a third of the way through, I realised it had the microwave instructions at the bottom, so that was a bit of a failure. Finally, I installed McCains Home Fries back into the freezers so that the Hamilton population can enjoy chips again! 

I also got locked in the freezer and I thought there was no point screaming as I will die in the minus twenty three degree cold anyway. Also, I just told my Dad that I have a blog and he rolled his eyes... Sadface.

And now, here is my new amusement...

I know you will appreciate this!

I have no idea why, I liked it?

I thought you'd appreciate the hat...

Just me and the dream boyfriend...

I would poke her face...

Ellyn didn't enjoy the taste of that...

Laura and Taylor, a beautiful couple if ever I saw one

Before I actually blog...

A list of movie nights I have come up with!

1. Aliens Vs. Predators (Including Alien, Aliens, Predator, Predators etc.)

2. Quentin Tarantino (Kill Bill, Kill Bill vol. 2, Reservoir Dogs, Inglorious Basterds etc.)

3. Harry Potter (Self - explanatory)

4. Lord of the Rings (Again, Self - explanatory, will need many munchies though)

5. Comedy Night (Stand-up comedy of course)

6. James Bond (One from each incarnation of Bond)

7. Arnold Schwarzenegger night (because he is one of my favourite actors)

8. Horror night (nothing too scary though)

9. PIXAR DAY!

Yeah, that's all I've come up with so far but that should keep us going Marky!

I genuinely can't express my amusement...

This is a fair representation of how I looked this morning...

Stumble into the kitchen and pour myself a cup of ambition...

I'm a little frustrated to be honest readers. Whilst at work, I had four hours to come up with material for my blog and I did and now I can only remember two points. Gah, my brain is a very temperamental piece of equipment unfortunately but I shall relay as much as I can remember!

1.Journey to see the Iron Maiden?

There is a regular customer who comes into our store. Now, if Steve Perry from Journey and Bruce Dickinson from Iron Maiden could possibly procreate together, then their child would look like this customer. He just looks awesome to be quite honest and I long to ask if he is a Journey fan.

2. Nice wee 'cuppa!

I have decided that my favourite aisle in the store to work is tea and coffee. Just because of the sheer awesomeness that coffee smells of. I actually wish I liked to drink the stuff because then I could smell it every day. Mmm, coffee... Plus the different packaging is very pleasing to my eyes in a world of orange and purple.

3. A new phobia?

Over the last few months, it has been established by me that there is a new terror in society today. You know how like a phobia of spiders has a special name such as Arachnophobia and the phobia for clowns is called Coulrophobia? Well, what is the term for the phobia of elderly ankles? Seriously, granny ankles freak me out, they are so big and lumpy and horrible, they almost want to make me cry. I'm not overreacting at all. Or maybe I have hypocondria, who knows... However, I would like to bestow a name of this new phobia I discovered, therefore, I unveil 'Grosteselderankphobia' as the term to describe the phobia of elderly ankles.

Disgusting...

I honestly cannot put into words my utter disgust and anguish at Panorama's investigation into abuse in a hospital for people with severe learning difficulties and autism. This is serious issue for me as my own lovely wee brother is autistic and seeing people degraded and treated no better than dogs has actually reduced me to tears, thinking that could be someone else's little brother or sister being treated horribly. I hope the despicable creatures involved with this get everything they deserve. I would personally torture them and throw away the key Jack-Bauer style but unfortunately, that is illegal. Everyone should watch it though, because at the end of the day, despite their problems, they are still people, human beings. Just disgusted to be honest.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-13548222

"Hey 'June', don't make it bad..."

"Well, Hello there June, it is nice of you to finally join us in 2011, please, take a seat and make yourself comfortable. Now, myself and the rest of the human race hope that you bring sunshine and happy summer times during your time with us"

Metaphorically, If you could have conversation with 'June', then that is what it would look like, I imagine (and let's face it, my imagination runs wild). However, if you actually know someone called June then you might have this exact conversation (I wouldn't know though, I am not acquainted with any Junes) But alas, June is finally here (the month, I know, all these Junes are confusing), heralding the half way point in the year which is kind of scary thinking that it was six months ago since Christmas and it is only six months to go till NEXT Christmas.

But enough about June (she likes to steal the limelight, doesn't she?)! I enjoyed a nice pub lunch today with Devon and Laura at Shenanigans, the chicken wraps were simply splendid and packed full of flavour (as soon as I said 'splendid', I thought of Lloyd Grossman and I just ran with it. It felt like the right thing to do at the time so don't judge me!)

Look how content he is knowing his face is on a jar, D'awww!

I also bought more things for holiday such as essential toiletries (including four cans of hairspray, however, in my defense, three of them are handbag size) and plimsolls (which autocorrect has informed me is not spelled 'Plimsoles', MIND BLOWN.) When I got home, I packed them in my case and I'm now standing at exactly 15kg! Some sort of re-jiggery...pokery has to be done as I still haven't packed everything! I also managed to watch 'Britain's Got Talent' and I genuinely so happy that Jean got through, I actually wish she was my Granny to be honest.

Looking back at this blog, I think I'm clinically insane. HELP!