World War Z

I am genuinely knackered but alas, I am back from my exotic holiday away, a holiday in the wonderful tropical destination that was Ellyn's house (which is around about a three - minute drive from my very own abode, very handy distance you see!). The accommodation was very pleasant, as was the food (the twelve chocolate doughnuts were a massive hit with the group as was the milkybar buttons, which has Jill temporarily mesmerised). Additionally, I won Harry Potter Scene It! for the first time in ages and I won in a very dignified and blase manner (nope, I did not get competitive at all, not one little bit, I didn't snap at Devon when I thought she was moving her piece when I won the points...) I'm totally convincing right? The only bad thing was the fact that I had to temporarily 'fly back home' for work and driving lessons but apart from that, who can complain? A week away from it all, even if it was just down the road did me good! Plus spending time with Ellyn is good seeing as she is AWOL for most of the year in Bangor (insert appropriate sadface here).

On Friday, I went into town with Mark to see if we could catch a glimpse of Mr Pitt and co. shooting a scene for the upcoming zombie epic, 'World War Z' based on the book by Maz Brooks. We got the 11.30 train in from 'Hairy' and sneered at the selfish people who had stolen a table all by themselves and also managing to be the only two people on the train to evade the ticket inspector, hence free train! We then headed straight for George Square which was just mobbed, mobbed because there really is no other way to describe it correctly. Half of the mob in question were waiting to see if anything happened on the set whilst the other half were actually trying to get somewhere (albeit getting somewhere whilst running over my feet with their prams). It was quite surreal to see something you are very familiar with covered in American props such as traffic signs, police cars and ambulances.

Whilst we were walking through the middle of George Sqaure a man who looked like Mr Pitt caught my eye being chaperoned by two security guards and my stomach leapt. However, it turned out not to be him but his stunt double instead (I only found this out tonight when I was reading the paper and an article about him was published). So although I didn't see the real Brad, I am quite happy with what I saw! We then went over to the counting house for a spot of lunch, where I stealthly picked up colouring pencils and a colouring book (which was clearly intended for me, not five year olds, Mark won tic tac toe though, so I was disappointed in myself). Once we had finished our BBQ Chicken and bacon Paninis (because we got the exact same thing), Mark wanted to buy a new suit so we went to Slaters (a shop which I adore) and went for the sole purpose of browsing. In ten minutes, we were out of the shop and Mark was holding a receipt for a new suit. It was like magic...

Mark's wee doodle...

We then went for a wander in St Enochs and like all lost souls wandering about aimlessly in the St Enochs, we ended up in Hamleys and in particular, the jukebox. At first, I was sensible and played some Gaga for the young squires but when Mark chose YMCA/In the Navy by 'Black Lace' (...) and the man in the uniform at the front started dancing the YMCA, we thought that it was only necessary to put it on for a second time so the man could practice his dancemoves (He did half of it wrong to be fair, I wasn't impressed). We then wandered around where an electric shock game caught our eyes and naturally, because we are awesome and use things without reading the instructions, poor Mark (poor being used rather loosely) yelped and got an electric shock, claiming it was 'not pleasant and that he didn't want to put me through that'. D'awww!

We finally managed to tear ourselves from Hamleys and head back up to Buchanan Street for tea and coffee. We stopped to look at one of the Statue men (I'm not sure what you would name a profession like that) and he was allowing all these pigeons to sit on him. I was not amused (Ornithpodophobic anyone?). Behind us, we heard an accordion strike up and Mark's face lit up as it was the wee old woman that he is intending  to 'Adopt' and his plan is for her to perform for guests in our flat and then when I enquired as to where we would keep her, he answered 'The Closet'.Not soon after this she finished her song and left, I wonder why...

Mark's adoptive daughter

We then went into a cafe and enjoyed a nice tea and coffee whilst coming up with the idea to find a coffee shop to act as our regular coffee shop whilst we are both at university together (which I am kind of buzzing for). We investigated numerous potential clientele and I made notes on my blackberry before we finally chose 'The Rouge' in Merchant City as a definite potential choice due to its central location and perfect decor. I love my life sometimes!

A complaint...

Why is actually so much hassle for me to join the gym? (Or the 'Gyme', how that made me laugh Michael and Alistair). I have to go into university, get some random person who does not know me from Adam to sign my application form to receive a student card which I will probably have to wait for to then apply for the actual gym membership with the said student card to get half price membership. You would think the council would try to make it as easy as possible to try and get the public healthy but as with everything else in government, everything is sorted by a form.

On a lighter note though, it is pay day today, even though I will only have about half of it left after I pay all my bills and driving lessons. I hate that part of being an adult. When I was ten, a ten pound note would have kept me going for about a month but it seems that ten pound notes are about as worthless as pennies nowadays. However, it is the last month before I get my loan back so happy times are abound! It is true that you do get used to having a set amount of money a month and hopefully, this means that I will be able to use my money more wisely in the next few months (I've got to save for going abroad, moving out and holidays, it is not good). My plan is to save around three thousand pounds by next year but knowing me, that will not happen ('Hey, Big Spender'!).

"Ayooooo, I'm tired of using 'Crap' technology..."

I love technology, I do, I do, I do. Which is why it saddens me that the technology I own are being shite guys! There is nothing more infuriating than something not working right and believe me, the temptation to throw the whole lot of it out and become amist is surprisingly strong.

Firstly, my six month - old phone has not been the same since I downloaded the new Facebook app. It keeps freezing and being generally a snail. Blackberry better sort that one out soon because it is literally doing my head in and I know other people have been complaining about it.

Secondly, my iPod, which broke a few months ago. I can get it repaired but it is still annoying.

Thirdly, my laptop. Oh, out of the serious crimes my technology has done to me lately, the laptop is definitely the most grievous criminal out of them all. The battery now lasts half an hour at the most and it conveniently forgets to let you know it is about to hibernate hence, rage. Last night, the mouse refused to click on things which led me to bash about on it (the only time ever that bashing has worked for me) and now the wi-fi is so slow due to my sister getting a notebook that I just want to cry!

Oh and the worse thing? My arrow pad is not working on the neopet site and therefore, I can't play games to earn neopoints. The world is a cruel cruel place...

Exile

Guys, get a calender and a pen at the ready and make sure you write this down because this week is the bi-annual 'Gang up on Amy and point out all her flaws week'. Seriously, this is your week to have a go at me and tell me everything I do wrong in life because to be quite frank, I could not get any lower than I am right now. I do not want to go into details on this because that would be insensitive of me and naturally, I have my own part to play in all this (I am not innocent) but unfortunately I'm 'selfish' and 'ungrateful' and I only ever think about 'myself' and therefore, EVERYTHING is my fault (which is true, no matter how anyone wishes to deny it).

So, due to the lack of savings, cash in-hand, prospects and furniture, I am currently trapped here in my bedroom until this all blows over (or it doesn't, whatever) and in general, I am feeling like a shunned member of a community (a community that I do not belong to anymore). You see, it seems once you get to a certain age, you become a disposable asset. I'm not saying my family do not care for me or provide for me because they do and I am grateful for everything they do for me but nowadays, you are made to feel more guilty about it. Also, the fact that they seem quite content being a family of four nowadays anyway, I just don't fit in the family portrait anymore and I'm fine with that, I just wish I didn't have to be here and witness it all happen. (Woops, there goes me being selfish again but I have no evidence to prove otherwise).

However, on a lighter note, I'm quite comfortable here, thanks for asking. I have my laptop, a packed lunch conveniently hidden so I do not need to venture into the kitchen and also at my disposal, a bed and a bathroom across the hall. I think I might take a trek to Neopia now...

Freeze...everybody clap yo' hands!

I'm bored. Incredibly and irrevocably bored. I am dying of boredom and so on and so forth. I have been off university for about four months now and my brain has finally given up the ghost and has become approximately the consistency of soup (specifically, a nice chunky chicken soup if you want to get technical about it). In those four months, I have been on holiday twice and worked at Sainsbury's and that is honestly all I have done. As you can tell, productivity levels are not exactly at their highest...

Which is part of the reason why I cannot wait for university to start again, (Yes, that's right, this is the girl who considered quitting a few months ago and declared her hatred for the place, even though I rarely ventured in anyway) even if it just to acquire my brain back. In all seriousness though, it will be nice to get the lifestyle back. And I have promised myself that I will actually be a proper student this year and go to lectures and study and embrace studentism by doing studenty things! Also, the beautiful fact that I no longer work Tuesdays and therefore can attend 12-Hour Tuesdays is a very exciting prospect! However, I would be lying to you if I didn't admit that the main reason that I'm excited for university is due to the fact that my loan payments start again, a fact that I am positively buzzing for, as I will be 'rich' again and therefore, can go to Yo Sushi! numerous times a month (because I'm not obsessed at all). Additionally, the announcement of the Headphone Disco returning to Fresher's Week has made my very happy as I can honestly say that was one of the best nights out I have ever had.

Back to the lack of productivity now though and today, I stunned my whole household by announcing I was going to gut my room out and if I do say so myself, I am now more organised and tidy than my clean-freak, OCD - sufferering sister, which is no mean feat. It was also an excellent opportunity to find items that I forgot I had, for example, bright green headphones, my Lancome lip gloss which I had loved since the day I got it and my DJ Casper 'Cha Cha Slide' single. The clubmix is on repeat as of this very moment in time and I am not ashamed to admit it.

CHARLIE BROWN!

London Calling...

I would just like to use my space to express my utter disgust at the riots currently taking place in London. This country is an absolute disgrace and I really hope I do not spend the rest of my life here. The scum who are taking part in destroying London single handedly are a genuine menace to our country and I do not wish to see them go without punishment as this would be a great injustice to the people who lives have been irreversibly destroyed in the last three days.

Let's get one thing straight here. The man who was killed by police on Thursday - the police must have had a just cause to act the way they did, for example, if the man pulled a gun on them. To be honest, with terrorism such a massive issue in today's society, if you pull a stunt like that then expect the repercussions to be severe. This man was also known in the area as a criminal and therefore, I cannot lie and say it was a massive loss to society.

What was a massive loss to society was people's ability to act rationally. I genuinely believe that half the rioters do not fully comprehend the situation and are basically wishing to let off a bit of steam and have fun. Fun including injuring police officers and civilians, destroying businesses and homes and looting. This riot is the result of years of bad government, not just this one. There is no discipline for younger people nowadays, some parents do not give a shit where their children are or what they are doing and therefore, these youths are brought up to believe that they can do anything they want. Then you've got the criminal justice system, which let's face it, needs some toughening up. You cannot judge a book by a cover, this is true but something must be done, three years in prison is not going to deter people from acting in a criminal manner.

With these riots spreading to Liverpool and Birmingham it seems that the natural solution would be to impose martial law on these cities and get the army in to deal with it. I emphasise with the police and their cautious approach (in the riots in the eighties, a policeman was hacked to death by a mob) but they need to stand aside and let the people with the right resources and training to deal with it and just put order back in place.

To the people who have lost their homes, businesses and livelihoods tonight, I offer my deep regret and despair at what the UK has become.

Disgraceful.

A 'HIG' Disappointment

On Monday, the family and myself piled into our tiny Peugeot and drove the 194 miles (I google mapped that) to Loch Ness, up to the little village of Drumnadrochit, up Achtemerack and finally, into the drive of my Auntie's farm (lots of lovely words for you there!)

Now, one of the many myths (and believe me, there is loads) surrounding my Auntie's farm is that one of her cottages is rented by a hot irish guy, hence a 'HIG'. There have been various sightings of the HIG, some expressing his loveliness and others detaling what they would give him (Thanks Cousin Fiona!).

So, you can imagine what kind of picture I've got in my head. I find out he's a psychiatrist so he's obviously very intelligent and someone you can have deep, philosophical conversations with, he likes mountain biking, so he's obviously fit. To be honest, he just seemed like the picture of yumminess. Also, irish automatically means 'amazing accent' so you do the math...

Sadly, Lady Luck is no friend of mine as my first glimpse of him revealed him to be a forty year old silver fox. Not that I don't mind older men but my eighty-six year-old auntie told me he was too old for me and I accepted it.

Sad times indeed!

The Invasion

There has been a lack of blogging as of late on my part, mainly because I have not had a lot to say (the official term for that is 'I could not be arsed'). However, a lot has happened, a lot of good stuff that must be documented!

Scotland welcomed the arrival of Ellyn's flatmates, who were up for a week towards the end of July. Obviously, due to the fact that Ellyn needed to prove that she actually had friends of her own in Scotland (her own words, not mine, by the way) but also because they are in general an awesome bunch of people, Devon and me tagged along on their 'excursions' and we had 'such fun' (as Miranda's mum would say in, erm, 'Miranda', which by the way, is an excellent programme!)

Firstly, Ellyn, Chris, Kayleigh, Neil, Devon, Jill and me went to Calderglen Country Park on the Sunday afternoon. It was a really pleasant, sunny day and I enjoyed catching up with Chris on the walk to the Glen. When we arrived, we sat and munched and sat in the sun and just generally caught up whilst the accusations of me being a lesbian were being thrown about like a fucking football. I would like to use this opportunity on my blog to state that I am indeed not and nor will I ever be a lesbian (I simply like men too much). A few hours later, we all got dressed into our gladrags and went round to Laura's for hers and Kayleigh's respective birthday celebrations! There was a bit of a hairy nightmare with Laura washing her hair and removing her extensions VERY last minute (it is quite funny, Laura transgressing from long hair to short hair in the pictures).

Long hair...

We then made our way to the train station and into Glasgow and into the Garage where we got free entry and 'The Lounge' for the night! It was quite awesome, even if there were no batteries for the wii remotes but I am not bitter (slightly but shh). We also discovered the cocktail bar where Jill inadvertedly invented the 'Auldhouse Mafia', a concoction made from banana bols, malibu and pineapple juice. Oooft, it sure was good! We also managed to get a decent group photo of most of us that night, good ol' Garage photographer!

Short hair...

On the Tuesday, Ellyn, Kayleigh, Chris, Neil, Devon and me caught the bus from East Kilbride to Ayr and we met Mark (who texted me saying he was 'hanging around a children's play park', of all places). We spent a really nice day, it was lovely and sunny (three days in a row is very odd) and we just chilled and buried Chris in the sand and went paddling. Mark bought me a rocket lolly which was very nom too. Unfortunately, just as we turned up to our bus stop to get the last one home, we discovered that we had in fact, missed the last bus. Now readers, you will be oh ever so proud of me. I calmly walked up to the desk, ask the man to confirm it and did I panic once? NO! (I could almost put a smiley face but that would go against my rules of no smileys on my blog). I was so proud of myself and you should be proud of me too! Anyway, we managed to get a train to Glasgow and then one to East Kilbride so it all worked out in the end and my overtired hyperness managed to provide much entertainment to Mark and Devon (even if I did look and sound like an escaped mental patient...)

Tee hee, they gave him mismatched boobies *sniggers!

The next day (Wednesday) was yet another early rise and Devon, Mark and me met at the train station with overnight stuff packed in tow too. We met Ellyn, Kayleigh, Chris, Neil and Leon in town and went for a Yo Sushi! (Which I was literally buzzing for) and out of all of Ellyn's flatmates, only Chris survived the sushi experience without decanting to McDonalds (Proud of you Chris!). We then made our way to the Science Centre by bus and because I was special the driver hauled me up in front of the whole bus to give me my special ticket (Under 20's Firstweek I'll have you know). Not even on the bus journey could I escape the lesbian accusations (which were prevalent at the beach too, *sniffles). The science centre was a lot of fun, even though there was a little Japanese kid who was honestly, the most annoying child Mark and me have ever witnessed in public (He ruined my spirograph drawing for christ sakes!). We had to catch the train so we all said goodbye to Ellyn's flatmates. It can be said quite accurately that Mark and me were not friends with the trains that day, as we got lost in Partick train station and we decided to go to Asda in Dunbarton and ended up waiting for a train for about forty five minutes (which in Converse, as we all know, is hellish). However, we did come up with a name for our flat but it is far too good to post on a blog and lose my intellectual property! We eventually made it back to Leon's and we spent the night chatting, laughing and squirming which was good fun, especially lighting Chinese lanterns at half eleven and playing the wii (I did and will always suck at tennis...).

So amused!

Unfortunately, that was the end of a very good week of amusement and prosperity (I had 18p in my pocket after Wednesday, 2p short of the price of tomato soup in my work, a true 'fuck my life' moment).