Review of 'Church on the Hill'

'Church on the Hill', even the name suggests an air of elegance and good intentions, almost as if nothing could be wrong with it. With a name like this, you would be expecting heavenly food and drink, angelic and kind staff and sweet Jesus, good value for money as well, naturally.

Looks Idyllic, doesn't it?

HOWEVER, don't let this establishment put you under any false pretences. The place has in place an undercurrent of criminal activities, including and not restricted to

Property Damage, Vandalism, Underage Drinking, Breach of the peace and moany bar bitches in general. Upon entering the establishment, the false facade of paradise was washed away by the barwoman's surly face who served us drinks in tiny glasses. Not to let this deter us, we sat and enjoyed a lovely meal, however we turned around to see the wind had blown glasses off the picnic table and the scene now resembled a typical saturday night at an East Kilbride bus stop. Absolutely shocking. So, as a good customer, I went into the bar to notify someone, this someone being a person who couldn't give less of a shit even if he tried. An hour and a half and a half hearted attempt at cleaning it up later, the ground was still not safe, so it is no surprise why there was a four year old drinking beer. And let's not forget to mention the resident junkie who asked us for 80p and smelled like piss.

Don't be fooled by the church on the hill, the place is rife with drug mules too, disguised as tender grandmothers. Pfft!

Palava, Pavlova, Parabola...

So what does a nightmare situation, a fancy dessert and a mathematical 'conic section' (thank you Wikipedia) have in common apart from sounding the exact same? Well, erm, nothing...

I will cover yesterday though before I launch into my melodramatic ramblings and 'fuck my life' related comments of the day. After university, I got a 66 (for the second time of my life) and met Devon and her college friend, Kayleigh for a drink and a spot of lunch. What started out all pleasant and delightful devolved into all sorts of debauchery and criminal activity including an interrogation with classic questions such as 'Pat Butcher: Shag or die?'. Needless to say, we all chose shag...

Pat's face when she found out our choices...

However, despite the broken glass littering the restaurant, the four year old drinking beer, defacing the picnic benches and a junkie asking us for 80p, it was a brilliant wee afternoon and the best laugh I've had in ages, possibly made nicer with the sun shining. Also, a discovery was made which involved Red Square being one of the tastiest vodkas ever.

Although the good days cannot last and today has not been an overly brilliant 'day'. I woke up in what can only be described as a foul mood which pretty much set up the mood for the rest of the day.

FIRST BAD THING - Tights. Motherfucker Mofo Tights that are too big and won't stay up. Cue uncomfortable Amy for a whole day. Never wearing them again, ever!

SECOND BAD THING - Strathclyde have fucked up my timetable and I'm now in every second Friday, 9am - 11am which wouldn't be such a bad thing, had it been a decent time.

THIRD BAD THING - I need industrial uber he-man strength eczema cream for my arms and the next available appointment in the 14th October, which I probably won't be able to make now because of the tutorial fuck up. I will probably have scratched my arms off by this point and will be armless therefore incapable of doing everything.

So they were the bad points of my day. The one good thing was my induction at the gym. In fact, I'd go as far as excellent personally. It was such a buzz and the woman who showed us around was lovely! All for what, £20 a month? Offt aye! So I'm going back tomorrow, including a wee sauna sesh, LOVING IT.

Back to 'yooni'...

I like the word 'Yooni' currently. Fraser used it in a comment and it has a a certain charm that 'uni' just lacks. Therefore, I think I will make more use of it...

Anyway, today was the first day back at 'Yooni' after a six-month summer (a summer filled with nothingness except a week away and working). So, although it is nice to have a lie in EVERYDAY, it's good to be back and to be using my brain again (which you know, is essential in a human being's life). However, I do not think I will ever get used to the early starts, so my full attendance record I've set already may yet be ruined (I know it's day one but I deserve a medal for going in seeing as I rather neglected lectures last year...)

I got the ten past eight bus to be in for ten and arrived at half nine. I hate being late but I also dislike being too early for things too. Also, the fact that I am a friendless bastard in my course does not help the passage of time (and it's not like I haven't tried). So, sniffling and head drooped, I walked to the lecture room and sat down BY MYSELF. Oh woe is me. At least I didn't fall asleep during this lecture and the lecturer's name is Dr Aliakbar Jafari, which combined gives me the image of Jafar from 'Aladdin' and Admiral Ackbar from 'Star Wars'.

Creepy, enjoy the image of an arabian lobster lecturing on Consumer behaviour...

It finished early which meant another hour and a half of waiting around so I did a very studenty thing and went to the library and wrote up my student planner (which I give two weeks before I forget all about it and lament on what a waste of money it was). The next lecture was management and luckily, Rachel from entrepreneurship last year stroke up a conversation with me and I got to sit next to someone in a lecture (that's how sad my life is).

I was meeting up with Mark for lunch, making the poor boy come down all the way from Caley for me, his wee nigel friend and we sat and had a Greggs (I know I wasn't supposed to go back but I had no pastry!) Also, I bought books from Fraser, which saved me a right few bob (Thank you Fraser!)

Finally, I had international business analysis and I have to say, I nearly fell asleep and did the whole 'my-head-is-falling-forward,-wakes-up-and-snaps-back-up' manoeuvre which does not bode well for the rest of the year... However, none of my lectures lasted long so I got away pretty early and on my way home I picked up a Gym Membership form. I am officially half way to gymness, God knows it will do me good!

Additional point of interest: Thermal mugs so I can have tea on the bus in the morning was a great invention. I want to love the person who thought of it, it saved me today.

You couldn't even look me in the eyes so I'll dim the lights

Currently, my iTunes has 5946 items, which, iTunes kindly calculated for me would take sixteen and a half days to listen to in full. That, my dear friends, is a lot of music.

Unfortunately, heavenly DJ (not Father, it's music duh!) I have a confession to make. I have probably listened to about fifty percent of that. The rest of it is mainly made up of the regular album fluff that no one listens to (because I can't bear to not download a full album). Now obviously, there are some major disadvantages to this. One of them being someone listening to your iPod and exclaiming 'Wow, I never knew you liked that song' and you have to obligatory lie to their faces because in actual fact, you have no idea what they are on about.

However, the one advantage is that sometimes, a song comes randomly on shuffle and you have never heard it before but you love it and it becomes your new favourite song. This is how my relationship with the song 'Encoder' by Pendulum happened about, oh an hour ago! We have a very special relationship, so special that I have constantly repeated it.

You have got to love life sometimes.

There's a first time for everything...

Firstly, I would like to congratulate my blogging interface for reaching it's FIRST BIRTHDAY! I started blogging at 23.24 on the 22nd September 2010... and my, what a year it has been! It is fair to say that such a lot has happened since I took those first, tiny formative steps onto a voyage of typing a lot of shit up and talking a load of crap too that one year ago. It feels kinda weird that I still use this too although I can't say I have been successful in maintaining this blog, I've been a bit greedy and taken a lot of holidays away from blogging (naughty me).

However, with second year at university literally just round the corner, hopefully, exciting bloggable things will happen in my life (or not, y'know?). I mean, the stuff that has happened this week would keep my blog going for a good while, such as purchasing a sombrero and ingesting approximately seventy units of alcohol in one night (probably not advisable) but then again, some things in life are better left as mysteries (unless you're Scooby Doo and the gang, you have the mystery machine for that).

So, the point of this blog was to express that life functions better whilst under the influence of a sombrero. Confused? Nowhere near as much as I am.

Look at dat epic mo'

I'll show you my dirty little secret...

'So, 'Paper Bags and Plastic Hearts'? We meet again. It's been a long time since I was in town but I am now back, back for good and once more I shall rule this town, Mwahaha...'

And so on and so forth. So yeah, maybe my mexican stand off was a bit 'over dramatic' but it's been a while so let me settle back in, okay? (Good.)

It has been a while, I am fully aware of this. And this poor little blog probably feels about as neglected as a... neglected person? For that, I am truly sorry. BUT HAVE NO FEAR, For I start back at university two weeks tomorrow and therefore, I will have new material to spout on the internet about my second year of shenanigans at Strathclyde (which is what a lot of my material last year was based on, let's be honest).

So what's new with me? I mean, surely something incredibly life-changing must have happened to me to excuse the fact that it has been so long since my last post. However, sadly apart from an unhealthy obsession with Cityville on Facebook (which takes up all my time), a new role within Sainsburys and a brand new pair of black vans, nothing is new with me, absolutely nothing whatsoever. Not to say that I haven't done anything though. I've been to a few parties, a few nights out and all manner of things (including introducing my father to Yo Sushi! which was an experience...)

Hopefully, I'll get my full blogging abilities back once I have caught up on sleep, which I seem to be in lacking very much these days. Is this the development of a sleeping pattern? Only time shall tell but until tomorrow, I bid thee readers a fond farewell!

Welcome to your new life.

This is Nero. Nero are a band. A band that has become my new obsession. Some people say their music would be better without vocals but I say fuck up to those people, the vocals is what makes them awesome.

Also, the blond one is really hot (the blond male, let's make that perfectly clear), which is a big mega super plus and in their video for 'Guilt', the poledancer is quite frankly amazing (and no, that does not make me a lesbian, just appreciative of poledancers and their skill in general).

One on the left, YES.

I just love their image, their concept, their music, their lyrics...

JUST. LOVE.

Also, first blog in ages! Let's hope this is the start again!