I would like to describe my role at Sainsburys. Most people think it's just a job but the role I play is very important and integral in the success of the team. Nah, it's all lies to be honest. I'm pretty sure that one of these days I'm going to be sacked but life is too short to not have fun, especially when given menial tasks such as a 'Cardboard Run' or doing 'U-Shapes' (Sainsbury's slang for yous)! Here is the document of the day (Times are subject to a wee bit of tweaking):
17.48: I arrive in Sainsbury's car park with my mother where I catch a sight of Scabby Aggie. I walk in with Rebecca and we laugh at how much of a skank she is. We then sit in the Cafe for a while where we meet Nicole and Robbie. Mick hands me the keys to the H/B cage but seeing as Rebecca actually works on the department I gave her the keys and started on the 2 litres with Robbie.
18.12: About to leave with the first roller when we catch sight of John and I tell him I've seen his website full of art work and I enjoyed it, especially "Painting with the stupidity of an Adult and the Sophistication of a child" (Which sold for £4000!). He then recounts the tales of doing life drawing of a man who fell asleep and splatted on the floor and the other man who got a little too excited being drawn 'Ahem'.
Check John out at
http://www.johnirvine-art.co.uk/Home.html
18.20: Finally start the roller with Robbie. We talk about the weekend, how his friend got chucked out of Shenanigans, Huddies and Fuzion, all in one night, Flavoured water, blue aftershock and Swizzers and Matlow's sweeties. Also, a mutual hatred for Sambucca was discovered.
18.40: Nicole joined us and we got even more work (not) done. We discussed family, omitting people from wills, period pain vs. getting-kicked-in-the-balls-pain, Pain in general, scars, worst accidents etc. We had the occasional visit from Rebecca. Robbie kicks a roll of clingfilm and nearly kill himself when he steps on it and he slips. Amusing stuff.
19.30: After more pissing about, Mick instructs us to do a cardboard run, which was done slowly and painfully.
20.00: Store closes. Jeanette from GM starts pulling the Toy Story 3 DVD's from the warehouse in preparation for them going on sale (technically today). They are then put on the televisions and we stand and watch it for twenty minutes. We then do another cardboard run, where Robbie fits a 'Jetpack' made of 'Ahem' cardboard to himself when Mick turns the corner. A wee bit Dumbfounded he asks if he likes his jetpack and a reply of yes eases the tension. Robbie continues to wear jetpack and trousers whilst Nicole wears a skirt and I wear a sombrero.
20.30: Rebecca goes in for a break she is entitled to. The rest of us goes in for a break we are not entitled to, and would you know it, it's the X Factor results. I get two bars of chocolate for the price of one. Happy times. Robbie and me punch our fists in the air when Wagner gets through yet resign ourselves knowing Paije will go out over Cher.
21.15: In the warehouse, Robbie decides to play a game where the person who can hit their head the hardest with the roll of clingfilm 'wins' (I just lost the game). Robbie goes first with a measly attempt, then I go and apparently it's just as bad. Rebecca goes next and the thud makes us all laugh our heads off. Robbie decides to go again and the his face goes white with shock as we all collapse on the floor laughing at how hard he hit himself. What a tool.
21.40: Rebecca and me start dancing in the milk aisle, really nothing new there. Robbie is kicking boxes around as he is a keen footballer. Nicole is about to leave, sadtimes. We calm down a lot until I find a sausage shaped cheese which is very squidgy and I remember the remark John made that 'It reminded me of my first sexual experience'. Laughter fills the silent store once again.
22.00 We leave the store, Robbie presents me with a packet of crumpets as I bought him some the other week.
And that is all.
