Hello readers! I have now finally got the lounge to myself as father retired to be two minutes ago after being up nearly twenty four hours. He will never win the 'I can stay up the longest' game when I am playing and therefore, he should have realised this before he stayed up later than he should of (not that my Dad knows this but hey, what can I say? I'm a naturally competitive person, everything is a game).
I cannot get over the fact that I am not working this Saturday night. Most people would make the most of it by going out and getting completely and utterly rat-arsed but I have neither the will nor the funds to accomplish such at-arsery. However, I am keeping all necessary funds for Miss Duffy's birthday night out on Sunday which I am incredibly excited about. (Hello, private butler in our very own band room with midnight muchies and a wii? Yes please!). A stroke of brilliance if you ask me. Best thing about it? We're getting it for free!
Today, I spent the day with Duffman as we shopped and again, I bought three packets of eyelashes. That's now me got about £35 worth of eyelashes for £5. An absolute shocker of a bargain and one that makes me very happy. I'm also rather obsessed with my new hairspray which dries into a glue. Sticking my hand together has been a very amusing element of my day...
I was then the first person bestowed the honour of viewing her new room, which is very pretty, even if it is completely odd how it has changed position and such like. Also, being the true friend I am, I went through the painful procedure and the labour-intensive process of choosing an outfit for her on Sunday, with four possibilities! Jeez, it has become apparent that a career in the fashion industry may be my calling (or not...)
Final 'Summation' (I LOVE THE GRADUAL REPORT - You should totally look it up on Youtube)
It's my beautiful cat's first birthday today, we've had our ups and downs, including finding out that our beloved 'Millie' had turned into our beloved 'Biffy' but I wouldn't change him (her) for the world. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIFFY!
It's a Friday morning and I am incredibly bored, therefore, when boredom hits, strange things happen, in order to be amused. That is my excuse for my new direction in life anyway and to be honest, it is a clearly plausible and natural solution. Tonight, I want to become a gangster and thus, I am listening to as many gangster and rap songs I can to become a fully-fledged 'homie' that belongs to the 'ghetto' (It ain't happening, I realise this but God loves a trier (or whoever resides up in the sky)!). I can see people disagreeing with my placement of some of these songs in this genre but to you select people I say BREEZE (I may have googled Gangster slang, emphasis on 'may'...)
So Scandalous A.M.Y (as I now wish to be referred to in my hood) has picked her top five gangster and rap songs to get 'yo freak' on for da weekend' (also an excellent wee ditty). Yes, even as a homie, I can still refer to myself in third person. SKILLZ (Man, this is going to look embarassing in about a week's time but hey ho...).
5. Nelly - 'Just a Dream'
This is not your typical gangster/rap song but it is romantic nonetheless and it features Nelly. That should be enough for you lot. I guess the part you really get your freak on is the bit when it goes 'Uh, uh, uh'. At this part of the song you should hold your arm out, with your hand held out straight and bring it up and down in time with the music whilst nodding your head in an agressive, threatening way. Singing along will also bag you brownie points.
Immortal Line - 'The love of my life, my shawtie, my wife'
4. Eminem - 'Lose Yourself'
My favourite Eminem song, it is so gritty and really describes what life is like in the hood (not that I would have any sort of clue). For this rap, I would recommend crossing your arms and again, nodding the head in time with the music. By utilising this technique, fellow homies should respect you (or laugh at you, one of the two).
Immortal Line - 'There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti'
3. 50 Cent ft. Olivia - 'Candy Shop'
This song is designed for two people because dancing in a club by yourself to this song may make you look slightly strange. Grabbing a guy and politely dancing with him in no way that is sexual or dirty would be recommended here (How strange, my sarcasm detector went off there...). The beat is quite slow here so don't do anything to fast, it would not look right.
Immortal Line - 'I got the magic stick, I'm the love Doctor'
2. Nelly and various other artists - 'Nasty Girl (Notorious B.I.G Tribute)
Of course, Notorious B.I.G was a prolific music artist in this genre and when he sadly died, the only right thing to do would be to release a number of songs in his memory. The first of these was P Diddy's 'I'll be missing you', which in its own right is a truly brilliant song but 'Nasty Girl' is definitely a good song to get yo' groove on. Plus it has a cameo from Naomi Campbell, Pharell and Nelly (Hell yes).
Immortal Line - 'Pull your G-string down south'
1. Lil Jon and the Eastside Boys featuring the Ying Yang Twins - 'Get Low'
If you want the perfect gangster song to really get yo' groove on with, you cannot go wrong with 'Get Low'. The song contains such high lyrical prowess, the like of which had never been heard before. The song's simple beat as well just makes it the perfect soundtrack to drive around your hood with your bling on. A combination of the dance moves mentioned before will make you a God when it comes to this song.
Immortal Line - 'To the window, to the wall, till the sweat drops down my balls, all you bitches crawl'
So, that's my top five gangster tracks covered. Happy grinding homies!
Final point, I could not compose this chart without ending on Will Smith. The man is a legend (seriously, he was in 'I am Legend') and his contribution to rap music should never be overlooked. So, here is 'Big Willie Style' dedicated to 'All the big willies'.
This is me. Well, biologically it is not me, I just happen to share the same name as a woman pro-body builder. I found her after I typed my own name into google and it was an interesting find to say the least. To be honest, I do not wish to become a man (which she/he clearly and most undoubtably is) but I want to shed my couch potato skin and actually get to some sort of acceptable level of fitness (like being able to climb hills sober and at the pace of an elderly woman as opposed to a slug).
1. NO MORE JUNK FOOD
I really cannot emphasise this enough. No more takeaways or fast food! It's naughty and bad. Also, I broke my four - month Greggs Sobriety today, I am off the wagon so I need my friend's full support to get me back on the said proverbial wagon. Instead, I will eat three meals a day, with lots of foods that will fill me up and drink shitloads of water. I will also invest in some serious chewing gummage. Also, the consumption of Yo Sushi! will rise too as the japanese have one of the most healthiest diets in the world. I will however lay off the Chocolate Mocci as I am imposing an allergy of Chocolate, Biscuits and crisps on myself (Side effects include forcing oneself to read 'Heart of Darkness', the worst book ever written, no-one wants that).
I suppose I'll live... in perpetual happiness!
2. JOIN THE FECKING GYM
This is a working progress. Laura and me are enquiring on Friday and due to awesome student status, I get a membership for £20 a month! It also gives you access to the pool, classes and SAUNA, YES, SAUNA! I will also try and walk for at least an hour a day too, with hill training involved (a hill the size of a mole hill perhaps). I will also join at least two classes a week, maybe Yoga and play badminton with Debby!
NB - The following list details famous men who have been found to be incredibly sexy in their old, twilight years. It is not solely based on looks as many men included in this list may have, for example, voices that are found to be incredibly sultry or they may be lucky and possess both the looks, voice and wit that makes a man extremely sexy. Additionally, men who are old presently but were deemed to be attractive in their younger years are automatically considered sexy old men, even if they have lost a little of their glamour. The list is presented in no particular order and there may be omissions that will be counteracted when more sexy old men are either discovered, aged or remembered. Feel free to comment on this list and any suggestions will be warmly welcomed.
It is now after all the films are released that I choose to become a fan girl. This is a genuine 'Fuck My Life' moment. It would be acceptable if I was at the tender age of fourteen but I am nineteen and I am feeling the need to pour my heart out about Harry Potter and in particular, Snape and Neville Longbottom. So, to preserve my dignity and to not annoy the fuck out of people with constant posts about Neville, I shall instead blog my heart out about them both, to my heart's content (and I have a very big heart, that beats for Neville).
Snape
Alan Rickman is sixty-five, a bona fide old-aged pensioner. And yet, when he dresses up as Snape, something inexplicable happens. He was a definite feature made on the 'Extremely Sexy Older Men' list that Ellyn and me spent time compiling (the said list will be coming to a blog near you soon). The story of Snape is just so heart-wrenching. He was such a misunderstood creature and to be honest, I would have hated James Potter too, he sounds like a right arrogant twat. And his love for Lily is just so pretty and nice and clearly, she should have ended up with him. If only he hadn't become a death eater...
In the movie, when he held Lily in his arms after she died, I sobbed, literally sobbed. I wanted to hug him so bad and tell him everything was going to be okay but by this point he was already kinda dead. He shall live on in my heart though, and in the film series of 'Harry Potter'.
I typed Snape in Google, this legend of an image appeared before my eyes, like magic!
Neville
He was a cute child in the first few films, then he went a bit goofy and out of proportion. But he really pulled it out of the proverbial bag for the last movie. He was a bloody hero, a goddamn hero and rather surprisingly, 'Ooftay'. He's got the broad shoulders, the stubble, the amazing teeth and the nice eyes. HE'S FREAKIN' PERFECT! (For me anyway, I know some people don't share the same sentiments but that's okay, less people to compete with).
The man is a style icon. Do you remember his pyjamas in the first film? Or the black pointy hat he wore at the end of year feast? And his striped cardigan in the last film was a true fashion piece that will never date but that just shows how much of a legend this man is. He's also nearer to my age at twenty-two, a far more acceptable suitor than Alan Rickman would ever be. He has now been giving the honour of replacing Jake Gyllenhall as my desktop background and I may even promote him to my phone too because I am a top guy (woman).
I have realised I sound like a crazed stalker but I shall not apologise.
Oh, how I hate my obsessive nature. Once I find an interest on something, I'm like a dog with a chew toy, not letting go (and I'm pretty sure I could have chosen a better analogy than that one, enjoy that image people).
Okay, I think I have outpoured my feelings on this matter, for now anyway. Keep calm and carry on denizens!
It's my two-hundredth birthday! I know, I look great for my age, don't I? The secrets to my good looks are copious amounts of alcohol and possessing very little shame (which makes for interesting and amusing story-telling). All joking aside, I have now hit two hundred blogs, an amazing feat for someone like me who gets bored very easily.
However, I would like to take this opportunity to say thanks to anyone who reads this blog, even if it just a dog who licks the screen, it makes me a very happy chappy (despite the fact that I am a girl) to see people interested. Here's to the next two hundred blogs (or not, I may become disillusioned with life or the internet could explode, anything is plausible).
Today, my childhood died. It completely died. I am now a bona fide adult. After over a decade of reading the books and anticipating the movies, Harry Potter is over and I will now mourn its loss by reading all the books and watching the films again, especially the books now that Pottermore is due out soon (which I am so excited for).
When it comes to Harry Potter, I'm a bit of a freak. I consider it like it really has happened, a part of our history. I genuinely half-hoped that on my eleventh birthday I would receive a letter inviting me to attend Hogwarts. It baffled me how JK Rowling could have made this all up if she hadn't of relived the experience herself. But there was no letter and it was all very sad (Oh, how woeful and pathetic that was).
I'm also a freak in regards to the fact that I find Snape 'nommable', a very high and honourable level of prettiness. I was practically sobbing when he died, I was distraught. But as one phoenix dies, another grows in its place, I would consider that to be none other than Neville Longbottom, who has gotten seriously hot with age. The striped cardigan was just excellent, if you're going to save the world, do it in a striped cardigan knitted by your Gran. He has made such an impact that I have added him to my List of Inspirational People on Facebook and I will fully support his campaign if he chooses to run for Minister of Magic.
Harry Potter may have won the war but Neville Longbottom was the true hero of the Battle of Hogwarts!
This blog was written Monday, 18th July 2011 AP (After Potter).
When I finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, I could not fathom why 'Just Kidding' Rowling had decided to kill off Fred Weasley. There is simply no justification for it. I was okay with George's loss-of-ear thing, I could mentally deal with that but actually killing Fred, destroying a wonderful family unit and losing one of the best characters was heartbreaking. I mean, if you are going to kill a Weasley at least make it Percy, nobody liked him anyway, he was the definition of 'Pompous Twat' and did not provide any where near as much comedic value than the twins did.
Plus, it is a well-known fact that twins share a unique bond with one another, so not only did she kill Fred, but she killed George emotionally too. That is just too cruel. He also wore amazing clothes and he was ginger! That alone should have stopped her.
All he ever wanted to do was to open his own joke shop with his brother and be happy but she could not let it last. Genuinely disliked Rowling for that.
I dreamed last night that I was with Jared Leto. Everything was hunky-dory until he announced he had gotten another woman pregnant. I was about to get all distraught when I was woken up by the loudest clap of thunder I have heard since I was in Florida (or the time when we were emerging out of Pizza Hut and we thought a bomb had gone off so we got on the tarmac and crawled to the car, how that must have looked to anyone I cannot imagine)! I got up and went downstairs and naturally discussed the weather with my family.
I watched 'No Strings Attached' which I rented from LoveFilm. It was an odd film to say the least, mainly because of some the sheer ridiculous of some of the plot lines. Who invites a random guy to your father's funeral after meeting up at a party the night before? WHO DOES THAT? Plus, I didn't like Natalie Portman's character at all. Exclaiming 'Why can't we just have sex?' whilst Ashton Kutcher is pouring his heart out to you? Definitely not cool. In fact, after watching this film, I've become a bit of a fan of Mr Kutcher now, he's a bit of a sweetheart!
Worky work (which was incredibly uneventful) and then home, my day consisted of nothingness. In fact, do not even know why I'm blogging in all honesty. EXCEPT for the fact I'm going to see Harry Potter tomorrow (technically, today) and I'm buzzing for it! However, It will be a sad occasion and I will take many tissues because I know I will bawl my eyes out when two particular characters die (I mean C'mon, I cried when Hedwig died and let's not even go to Dobby, mentally distraught would be a good way to describe it).
1. I would stare at the television in disbelief and check my ticket a hundred times. I would then ask each of my family members to check it a hundred times. I would then place the ticket in my bra for safe-keeping. I would then update my status on Facebook, simply putting 'Holy Shitballs' as a cryptic clue into my new wealthy status.
2. I would ring Camelot I guess and see what would happen then. They'd probably take a few hours to actually collect me or whatever so I'd open my bottle of Champagne I've been saving and drink the whole lot with my immediate family members.
3. After meeting with Camelot, I'd ring my closest friends and tell them that I am a multi-millionaire but nothing will change (except for the awesome night outs we'd have from now on). I'd also ring up Sainsburys and give them my four week notice. I'd probably still work there for four weeks whilst I acclimatise to wealth. I'd also tell 'her' where to shove it and the look on her face would be worth more than the millions I had won.
4. I would announce to Facebook that I had been the one who had won the Euromillions and see the amount of people try to become my best friend in the next half an hour. It would be quite amusing but I know who my real friends are so I'd delete the rest.
5. Once the money was firmly in my account, I'd be jetting off to Florida for three weeks with my immediate family as quickly as I could, staying in a lovely villa that I would later buy with a beautiful car (Chaffeur - driven naturally) with enough money to buy as much of a mall as I wanted and unlimited passes to the Theme Parks with Fast Passes. I'd hire two Bodyguards too, one called Mr Bubbles and the other called Alfredo.
6. Whilst in Florida, I would have had time to get my thoughts together without the prying of family members and false friends. Once I came back, I would have by then decided how I was dividing my money. I would give my Mother, Father, Sister and brother £3 Million each. I would give other immediate family members £1 million each and my closest friends £500,000 each (that should be more than enough to pay for Florida 2014). I would then give ten charities £2 million each including the National Autistic Society, Cancer Research UK and RSPCA. I would also give a million each to Duncanrig's autistic base, Crosshouse Primary and Greenhills Primary.
7. I would then go about buying all the little things I've ever wanted. I'd buy an iPad, a new laptop, a professional camera, an iPod for each type of music I like and colour-code them so I could choose what I listened to depending on what mood I was in. I'd take a week intensive course of learning to drive and once I had passed my test, I would get a nice car, not a sporty one though, just something I felt comfortable in, like an Aston Martin. I would pay off all my debts, including SAAS and finally, enter HMV with a trolley and get every single DVD I have ever desired and spend a day with Mr Bubbles putting them into alphabetical order.
8. I would start to invest in property, starting by buying a penthouse apartment in the city centre of Glasgow and then buying a nice home in the country for the Summer. I'd hire a butler and I would call him Jeeves. I'd also buy property in Rome, Florida, Bulgaria and Monaco to name but a few. I would furnish all of these by myself and have much fun doing so. I would deck my pad in Glasgow out with every gadget you can think of and a massive television screen so I could watch my DVD's in beautiful High Defintion (none of this 3D shit). I would install a gym so I could get healthy and I'd get laser eye surgery so I wouldn't have to wear glasses anymore.
9. Finally, I'd complete university so that I could get a degree which would benefit me in the future and give me something to do and finally, invest some of my money into shares, so I could become even richer.
Sounds like an amazing plan to be honest, now, the only snag is the fact that I haven't won £166 Million Pounds...
Last night, I dreamed I was on holiday with the school and one of the activities organised was one that involved Mrs Rennie splitting us up into pairs for an 'acting' activity. My activity was to act the role of a woman who was having a heated argument with a jar of Ragu Tomato and Basil Pasta Sauce (which was played excellently by Laura). We were arguing over how to make Spaghetti Bolognese, a very serious matter, I am sure you will agree. Obviously, my performance would have won many accolades in reality, but I don't need to tell you that.
And before you ask, Yes, I do question my sanity because let's be honest, debating with an inanimate glass vessel containing pulverised tomatoes is not your average daily behaviour. I'm not sure what kind of message this dream was hinting at but if you do have any ideas, please let me know, as my subconscious seems to be a very cryptic little bugger sometimes.
I woke up with the news today that baby Harry had been in hospital overnight and it seems he may have Bronchitus, a nasty, horrible illness. Luckily, he was let out this afternoon so panic over but I hope he gets better soon!
With this in mind, I was slightly late in going to Debby's house for 'Lord of the Rings' day. We had a few minor hiccups involving the wretched first disc not playing (I wholly blame my brother for this, he will be getting a stern talking to, If I ever remember to give him stern talking to that is) but it was fine, the second disc worked and that's where all the action really starts anyway. We spent the whole afternoon and evening watching Lord of the Rings, just chatting and just generally getting to know my way around 'The Crackden'. I left around ten and walked the harsh, treacherous ten minute walk to my house (which is possibly a 000000.1 on the 'Walking to Mordor' scale).
Tomorrow, Devon, Ellyn, Mother dearest and Calum are going to La Plage for some 'Sunny Intervals' Whether these intervals last twenty seconds or twenty minutes remains to be seen). We're taking a picnic and I'm taking my Thomas the Tank Towel, which I am rather excited about because I can show the population of Troon beach, not just those who read this blog, just how awesome I am.
So ...I decided to get a sleeping pattern and I can't say at this moment in time that it was the best decision I have ever made. I did not get to sleep till 4am last night and it was getting light. That's my normal bedtime so it was a bit of a let down when I made the awfully hard effort of tearing myself away from my unimportant laptop business at half one in the morning. Clearly, my body clock is so out of sync, it is unbelievable. I shall not give up though, bed in about ten minutes for me (once I have completed this blog, naturally).
I have noticed that sleeping patterns can be hazardous though, for example, the fact I like a Nicki Minaj song when every fibre of my being should hate her and everything she stands for. I mean, what is the deal?! Although, you cannot dispute the fact that she is very pretty and has an amazing ass (I'm genuinely hoping this new 'lesbian' side to me is only a phase and will disappear after the sleeping pattern has been well-established...)
MEN, MEN, MEN, MEN, MEN...
Aye, that will do quite nicely...
That's better! In other news, men with beards do it for me as well now. Devon and me have likened this to the fact that there is a wonderful abundance of facial hair in 'Game of Thrones' (which I am struggling to watch because I know 'he's' going to die, stupid Wikipedia). So many beards, so little razors, it's just wonderful to be honest. I think I would have fitted well into the dark ages to be honest (well, apart from the disease, lack of sanitation and the threat of getting your head chopped off over the littlest thing)...
Well, maybe not then... but Sean Bean does it for me. He shouldn't but he does and I do not know why, especially at his age. Maybe it's his excellent beard-growing skills or the fact he was in Lord of the Rings (Oh, and when he was in Sharpe, yes, he was yummy!) However, you are reading the blog of a girl who thinks Alan Rickman and Jeremy Irons is fair game (don't judge me, there are plenty of girls in the same predicament and if you're not one of them, then shame on you).
Oh yes.
Probably should go to bed now, Debby and me are having a Lord of the Rings day tomorrow and we are having Dinosaur Jelly, which I'm too excited about.
I have new sense of freedom. Not having to blog about holiday anymore and forcing myself to complete the chronology beautifully has given me a new lease of blogging life. I'm not sure how to celebrate in all honesty but a grand parade through the streets of East Kilbride would be a good start, with free alcohol and sushi.
I woke up at quarter to eleven and held a serious debate...in my head. To shower or not to shower? (Not that I was smelly anything, just for extra freshness). The debate lasted for quite a while before finally, this house believed that I should indeed, go for a shower, which was all fine and dandy until I realised the straightners were packed away so up my hair went.
We had to check out at 12pm so we got out with fifteen minutes and bid a sorrowful farewell to our home away from home for a week. Lauren had tidied up the day before (I had been the tidy freak at the beginning of the holiday) and the flat was more or less back to normal (apart from the five or so plastic bags of rubbish). We checked out at reception and then we went into the boys room. Grant, Lauren and me went for lunch whilst the others started packing and then once it hit three, we all left our rooms, put our luggage in the room and went out onto the beach promenade for some serious shopping.
The dogs we befriended whilst shopping!
I bought presents for my family (cause' I'm nice like that) and mostly hung out with the guys whilst the other girls did serious shoe and bag shopping (something I don't mind occasionally but I am in no way hardcore about it). It was when I declared that I found shoe shopping boring that a connection between Grant and myself sparked, he declared his love for me and I declared a love for him (and his SYP expenses) and at that very moment, we became engaged. The wedding is to be soon and Grant has found a ring for me already, therefore, I am impressed by his commitment already. We then made our way back up to the hotel but not before having a game of mini - golf. Now, I know how legendary I am at Pool but I was actually quite good at the golf and came fourth overall, a respectable score I'll have you know!
It was around nine o' clock at night when we got back to the hotel and we sat in the lobby for a while before going for our last meal at the restaurant. It was a very sad occasion indeed, especially as we were so used to seeing Chris and Julie everyday. However, Chris had already moved onto his new 'BBFL', Shaun from Sunderland which left Scott slightly upset I think. We then played pool, where Scott found out just how talented I am at the game and we decided to get a few pictures with the hole outside our hotel (the photo shall explain it). We kind of went a bit mad with the said hole to be honest but at least in some small way, we all got our hole on holiday.
The girls in the hole!
Our coach was due to pick us up between 1am and 1.30am but it was slightly late however, it eventually arrived and I bid farewell to Poseidon, the supermarket, Disco Orange and the waterpark all on the way to the airport. The queues in the airport were horrific to say the least and a guy from Scotland in front of us with his mates decided it would be a good idea to throw up in the middle of the security queue which was always nice (especially with one of his mates opening the lid of the bin so we were all hit with the delectable waft of whitey). We were slightly delayed and with a McDonalds only serving toasties and hotdogs (not. even. a. big. mac.), we were all getting a wee bit grumpy. We boarded the plane not long after though and arrived back in Glasgow, very tired. I can definitely say when I got into my bed after getting back from the airport, I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
So, let's sum up the holiday, eh?
It was bloody good. The weather was awesome all the time, the drinks and food were cheap, the banter was flowing, the trousers were ripping, the lips were pulling and the fun never stopped. Thanks guys for a great holiday, I will remember it for the rest of my life, mainly when Grant fell through the wall but all the other sweet moments too!
We woke up quite early and as it was Lauren's birthday, I presented her with a card that had money inside and a big birthday badge! We had to get up early because we had decided the previous day that we were going to go to the waterpark. Lauren and me got ready pretty quickly and made our way to the boy's room. Richard had returned but had had no sleep and Grant was sleeping and was still incredibly drunk from the night before. Amy had returned too and was drunk as well. We managed to wake the 'dragon' and Grant still drunk decided to declare us all bastards and throw towels at us. I have to admit, it was incredibly amusing.
By some sort of divine intervention, we all made it to the bus stop on the main road and we were told that a free bus to take us to the water park would arrive soon. It was swelteringly hot that day and when the bus arrived, we were quite thankful for a bit of shade. As we were driving along, Grant was overcame by the onset of incoming whitey (such an eloquent way to put it) and stuck his head out of the moving bus and did the deed. (But remember, as Shrek once said, it's better out than in...side the bus).
We arrived at the water park and bought cool wee wristbands, that you put money on and then scan it at the bar (if you say wanted a few cheeky wee cocktails at the pool bar). We all got ready and then I accompanied most of the troops to the slides (except for Amy, who wanted a snooze). I had a wee swims and a few milkshakes at the bar (which were so fucking good in the hot weather) and then I had a wee sleep in the sun (without getting burnt, which is an incredible feat).
We spent the whole day at the waterpark and eventually we got back to the hotel at 7pm and went for dinner around nine. We lead Lauren downstairs and the whole table was decorated with balloons and party blowers that Lisa had bought and Grant had organised. Once we had finished dinner, Chris brought out a cheesecake with sparklers and we all sang 'Happy Birthday' (again)!
Lauren and her cheesecake
We then decided to go on a bar crawl and we stopped at this place called Bikini Beach which was fully of comfy chairs and snugs on the beach. We stayed there for two hours and then went further up. I bumped into Ryan (yes, from Wolverhampton) and he was doing the same thing but we went our separate ways and eventually, we gave up and went back whilst Amy and Lisa stayed out. Lauren and me had to get up early to check out of the hotel (we decided to buy late check-out for the other two rooms) so we went to bed relatively early!
I will not make any excuses, I got up at about 1pm on this day, absolutely fucking knackered after the night (and morning) before. Yet again, we got into the holiday routine of pool, sunbathe, wait for Lauren to come back from the internet cafe and then grab lunch before playing pool games till about 5pm! We then discussed what we were going to do that night. Eventually (and I mean eventually loosely, because it took quite a while), we decided to go back to Disco Orange and go to Hed Kandi (which I can't lie, the rock goddess in me was not keen on). However, once we discovered it was another bar crawl, we got quite excited.
We had dinner and it was kinda awkward to be ordering food from Chris, seeing as we had socialised with him the night before but we got over it and enjoyed a nice meal, again. We were a little late to the bar crawl and so we met up with them halfway to the second bar, 'La Guaba' a wee beach hut kind of bar situated on the beach! I nearly had a panic situation where I temporarily lost my purse but I kept my cool as did Lauren and we found it sitting under my chair. As we were moving onto the next bar, we got our first free shot, caramel vodka. Now, it sounds nasty but in actual fact, it was the most delicious shot I have ever...shotted.
Outside La Guaba
We marched our way to the next stop on the bar crawl, 'The Flying Dutchman', with free shot in tow! We sat outside on the balcony and spoke to Tori for a while before dashing to the dancefloor when '500 Miles' by The Proclaimers came on (We Scots like to keep our spirit alive, even in foreign countries). As we were leaving the Dutchman, the clock striked twelve and we all turned into Pumpkins (Well, we didn't but it sounded good) or, Lauren turned nineteen. We got a good number of the bar crawl to sing happy birthday and then made our way to Disco Orange, with Lisa attempting to tell a few of the punters her legendary shark joke...
Our first group photo!
When we got into Disco Orange, it was markedly more empty than it was on the Wednesday and the chillout zone was closed (sadface) but that just meant more room to dance in and shorter queues for a drink! I can honestly say it was the second best night of the holiday! I can now say I have danced on top of a bar, the bar staff were dancing with us and it was just brilliant. We met up with the Brummies again who were excellent as per usual!
Lauren and me with some of the Brummies!
Lisa and me with a very flexible bar man!
We were then ushered into the next room and Ryan, from Wolverhampton (I am genuinely incapable of saying just 'Ryan') came up to me and we spoke for a while before he got on his knees and literally begged me to come back to his apartment at the Palazzo. What can I say? I am clearly a fucking stud muffin. Still turned him down but! It got to that time again when we were getting tired and Lauren, Lisa and me, the wee trio walked back to the hotel again but not before we pole danced and I got my hands on a cone and had a cheeky stop in McDonalds. We walked up and met up with Katy who was by herself sitting outside the supermarket near our hotel for some reason and when everyone had got back we discovered that both Amy and Richard were missing again and everyone was pished and out looking for them. After I prevented Katy going to look for them both, and with Grant looking for them, I sort of went to my apartment, intending to stay up but then went to bed, exhausted.
I woke up at half two in the afternoon. A shocking time to arise on holiday! However, most people woke up at this time so I didn't feel too bad (except incredibly lazy). Suffering internet withdrawal (how sad?), I went with Lauren to the internet cafe, this time for an hour and I spoke to Ellyn and got up to speed with the news (when I'm on holiday, I have a hatred of not knowing what is going on, I mean, Glasgow could have been smooshed by a nuclear device for all I know).
Lauren and me then had lunch, which consisted of the good ol' bacon butty again before we decided that that night we would go to a club called 'Viking' with an unlikely addition to the group, that addition being Chris, our waiter, who assured us he was going with his group of friends and we were to meet up with them at twelve. We had dinner, had a few drinks, the usual holiday routine.
Lauren, me and Amy at Dinner
Lauren thoroughly raping my camera
We pre-drank in the boys apartment that night as ours was slowly but surely becoming a rubbish tip. After we got slightly tipsy, we walked the half an hour trot to the clubby area of Sunny Beach and it took us a while to find it but we eventually saw Chris, waiting outside the entrance (with his 'invisible' group of friends, naturally).
Some of us were a bit 'meh' about the whole night but it was a fantastic club and the music was excellent. Possibly the only thing that spoiled it was that girls were getting overcharged at the bar, which was mean! We climbed a few steps to sit on top of these play mats and we sat there for a while with Chris before we went to the dancefloor. Chris left early (because he had to be at work at a suitable time) and then we danced the night away, literally. It was 5am when we finally left and we got a subway on the way back and walked as the sun was rising back to the hotel. We all got to bed but then I had a coughing fit (I was convinced I was becoming ill) and listened to Bon Jovi and read a magazine for an hour before I finally attempted to go back to bed.
As the holiday went on longer, so did the length of our lie-ins. We missed the maid twice and it was only when Scott came in, wrapped in a sheet and laid between Lauren and me that we actually properly woke up. We discussed the previous night and then Scott went back to his own apartment whilst Lauren and me got ready for another day by the pool (complete with Thomas the Tank Engine towel, of course).
I'm pretty sure there were a few hangovers but we headed to the pool anyway and I sunbathed and went in the pool, whilst Lauren and Grant went to the internet cafe (I abstained on this day, in case you are thinking I am an internet addict...which I am but that's not the point). We played volleyball in the pool and despite my disadvantage of being fucking blind without my glasses, I was not half bad (Not at pro-level yet though).
The view from the pool, Berbatov was staying in that hotel
We all got ready again for dinner and went down before we held the pre-drinking festivities in our flat again. Possibly the funniest moment of the holiday was making Richard run a lap around the hotel with Katy's top on and just his boxers. Lisa also had to do questionable things to a bottle whilst Richard embraced his feminine side by cleaning up a broken bottle of peach schnapps! Some of us were wanting to go out again but after a few hours, we decided to embrace a night in, something most of us were desperately needing (Don't get me wrong, I'm a party animal, but I'm also descended from a Snorlax, therefore I need sleep). We had a good night in and also it was nice to say that we did not manage to lose anybody that night, therefore I was not up worrying till all hours of the morning (what can I say, I'm motherly in that way). The rest of the group left at around 3am and Lauren and me finally got a decent sleep!
Richard discovered a penchant for woman's clothes on holiday...
