'Satyrday, first of Oktober, in the year of our lord 2011,
The following account deals with my absolute love and adoration for my beautiful wife, Natalie the Traveller and our son, Tobias.
The road to love was a difficult one for me, having lost my sister at a younger age, falling out of a castle and being brought up by a psycho gypsy woman with no eyes. Although Natalie is my first and only true love, there are many who idealise me and often stalk me, even into my own house. Their names are Hannah the Barmaid and Burt the Househusband, the latter of which terrifies me. My hatred of the poor fellow has taken on such a complex, that I dreamed about making him follow me to the docks and with my own sword, slaughtering him at sundown only for Hannah to see it and inform the authorities. Although, the most crushing thing was for my wife to tell me to not to look at her. I felt disgusted. So however strong my feelings of distaste for Burt are, for now, the sword will stay in my sheath (both literally and metaphorically).
However, Natalie was not my first suitor. Whilst I was travelling through Oakfield on my way to the Temple of Light, I met a lovely woman who charmed me so much, I instantly bought a house and spent the night with her. However, I realised in the morning that she was not the one for me, mainly due to the fact that she had a face not unlike a woman I once knew whose cow had sat on her face. With that I went on my journey to the Temple of Light, where the trails of my adventure eventually lead me back to Bowerstone.
Even after this, I had still not discovered Natalie and instead was wooing the local beauty, 'Beryl the Housewife'. We got on excellently, her male sense of humour and love of gambling provided a very common talking point. However, it was only after I suggested intimacy that she repelled my feelings, saying she preferred the fairer sex (or the minge). Alas, I slid into a deep depression that lasted all of two minutes, until I saw Natalie. Her brown hair, concious style and voice captivated me. As I showed her Thag's head, she was not repulsed but rather compelled and this was enough to propose marriage to her, which she gladly accepted. I bought a house in Bowerstone Town Square, where we set up home and within five minutes, had brought a baby son into the world, Tobias.
Life was perfect and idyllic and the invention of the condom provided much happiness in our lives. However, the weight of my mission began to take its toll and before long, I was spending longer and longer away from home, although my heart was always with Natalie and the little one. It was at that point that I was imprisoned in The Spire. Despite all the suffering and the draining of our will constantly, the one thing that kept me going was her. So it was a shock when I arrived home ten, long years later to see my son, all grown up but mute and paralysed, paralysed in the same spot his cradle had been, grief stricken by his father's disappearance. Then Natalie, well, I have not seen her since I came back, the locals won't say much but I fairly sure that she has passed away. Oh woe is me. However shall I find love again when the only woman I ever loved was Natalie?
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