Review of 'Church on the Hill'

'Church on the Hill', even the name suggests an air of elegance and good intentions, almost as if nothing could be wrong with it. With a name like this, you would be expecting heavenly food and drink, angelic and kind staff and sweet Jesus, good value for money as well, naturally.

Looks Idyllic, doesn't it?

HOWEVER, don't let this establishment put you under any false pretences. The place has in place an undercurrent of criminal activities, including and not restricted to

Property Damage, Vandalism, Underage Drinking, Breach of the peace and moany bar bitches in general. Upon entering the establishment, the false facade of paradise was washed away by the barwoman's surly face who served us drinks in tiny glasses. Not to let this deter us, we sat and enjoyed a lovely meal, however we turned around to see the wind had blown glasses off the picnic table and the scene now resembled a typical saturday night at an East Kilbride bus stop. Absolutely shocking. So, as a good customer, I went into the bar to notify someone, this someone being a person who couldn't give less of a shit even if he tried. An hour and a half and a half hearted attempt at cleaning it up later, the ground was still not safe, so it is no surprise why there was a four year old drinking beer. And let's not forget to mention the resident junkie who asked us for 80p and smelled like piss.

Don't be fooled by the church on the hill, the place is rife with drug mules too, disguised as tender grandmothers. Pfft!