So where were we? Ah, yes, waiting for Richard to arrive home after he went missing! Did Richard die? Was he arse-raped? Well, all is about to be conveniently revealed, without the over-usage of rhetorical questions!
Wednesday, 15th June 2011
As this was nearly three weeks ago, details are going to begin to get sketchy! What I can remember of the Wednesday is Lauren and me had decided the previous night to get up and go to the internet cafe so she could speak to Colin on Skype. Obviously, not realising how late the previous night was going to be, you would be right to assume that I struggled to get up. However, at eight in the morning I was pretty wide awake (So take that!)
We made our way down the road of our hotel for nine but we discovered the internet cafe opened at ten. Also, it became apparent that I was desperately needing some beach towels (baggage limits had prevented me from taking no towels with me, fuck you First Choice). We decided it would be a good idea to go for a walk down the strip and take it easy. It was quite nice, it was not too warm and it was quiet, plus it was good to able to admire the beach promenade sober, in the daylight. Once it was getting nearer to ten, we made our way back up to our hotel where we stopped outside a little beach stall selling beach towels. I was about to show the owner which one I wanted, when this vulgar foreign woman snatched it out my hand, and basically swotted me away. Whilst muttering under my breath what a bitch she was, in a real fucking polite way of course, I purchased a Thomas the Tank Engine towel (naturally) and a dolphin one.
(In a sidenote, I just remembered that the previous night, a man asked me to marry him in Slam's Cafe. My first answer was 'No' but when he asked me if I was single, he enquired as to what the problem was. I have to hand it to the bloke, he made a compelling argument, therefore I accepted his marriage proposal but who the fuck he was, I do not know!)
We made our way back to the internet cafe which was STILL not open. We killed time in the supermarket buying handwash that we never ever used, sitting on the steps and waiting outside the door until half an hour had gone by and we had had enough. We went to our room for a spot of breakfast (my breakfast consisted of a chocolate croissant and a glass of fruit juice EVERY day) then decided to make our way to the boys room and received no answer, so we scooted along to the girl's room where Scott answered and... wait for it... told us that Richard has indeed returned home, thankfully, so panic over. (I know my blog account up until now has showed no hint of calamity over Richard's disappearance but we were worried)! He had a massive cut that stretched from his wrist to his elbow and had blanked out for five and a half hours before somehow remembering where he was and making his way home. (Therefore, it is still impossible to rule out the chance that he may have been arse - raped). Everyone was up apart from Grant and Richard (Grant had had a very tiring night before for other reasons, bless him). So like the great friends that we are, we decided to throw a glass of water over the both of them in bed although we aimed mostly at Richard as revenge for all the worrying we did. Richard's response was 'Why is there a puddle in my bed?' whilst Grant's face was a beautiful picture of utter confusion.
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| Grant's confusion, wonderfully captured on camera |
After that, the six of us made our way down to the pool, where I sunbathed for a while before going with Grant (who had eventually arisen from his sleep) and Lauren to the internet cafe (which was finally opened), and I managed to speak to Laura, Devon and Ellyn and of course, recount the events of the previous night. We went into the pool where we discussed Richard's adventures of the night before, which we discovered had a remarkable resemblance to the 'Hangover' movie, therefore we decided that night would be known as the 'Hangover: Part Three'. We then headed for lunch at the restaurant in the hotel where I had a BLT which was amazing. We decided that because the prices were so good, we would eat in the restaurant for dinner that night (Which proved to be a very good decision!) After taking about half an hour, we finally decided to purchase tickets off of Tori for the Disco Orange opening with Twice as Nice (who only Amy had heard of) and the Artful Dodger (who was quite big in the nineties with Craig David... yeah, he wasn't that famous).
We all got ready and went down for dinner, where we sampled the restaurant and got to know Julie and Chris, our waitress/waiter (and there was the manager, who had platinum blond hair and was a little strange but oh well!). Whilst we were at dinner, Julie informed us that if we ate in the restaurant for the whole of our holiday, they would give us a ten percent discount, which was awesome! We then went up into our apartment and invited everyone round for drinking games. We played the Osama Bin Laden Game, where the dare cards came in very handy. Richard and Lauren swapped clothes, Grant and Richard gave each other a sexy dance and Lisa had to walk like an Egyptian. We also found out some very interesting truths from people but the less said about that, the better (I know you like details, but I've been prevented by a gagging order called 'What is said in Bulgaria, Stays in Bulgaria'). It was also during this game that we all started to get very pished and Scott was downing glasses half full of vodka.
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| Richard suited that dress far too much |
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Finally, at around 11pm, we made our way to Disco Orange which was not too far and once we had got in, we headed for the chillout zone, which took Lisa and me five minutes to discover that the room did not have a roof and was outside! We all sat down. We were all having a good time, enjoying our drinks and Scott, Grant and Richard all seemed very happy with their purchase of a litre of Jaegerbomb! Of course, that was when Scott projectile vomited over everyone's drinks and shoes, hence, quick shuffle to another sofa (by funny coincidence, the irish lads who a few of us had spoke to the night before, sat on the whitied couch, without realising it was 'ahem' covered in vomit.) Once Scott had returned back from the bathroom and having ditched his shirt (which he said his Mum would be happy about because she hated ironing it), we returned to somewhat normality. We later headed inside where we gradually made our way to the front of Artful Dodger
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| Scott: Post whitey |
I am going to strive away from the Artful Dodger now to deeply analyse what happened next. There were three large steps that lead up to the stage and I was just at the bottom of them. Now, I did something very foolish and made eye contact with the guy on the step in front of me. Flirty, wrong eye contact. He was not particularly good looking (I know I'm not the best looking either but believe me, I'm being kind by stating it as that). It was only when he grabbed my hands for a dance that I realised I was in too deep and that I would have to go through with what I had started. Worst part? Well, that possibly could have been when I realised his eyes were too far apart and I was staring at his nose to be polite or that when he got down the step, he was about a foot smaller than me. And yet, I still danced and pulled him. It was only when he said the magic words 'I guess it's your apartment then?' that the evil enchantment broke and I ran back to Grant, Scott and Richard, lucky to have my life and the small amount of dignity I had left intact. Now, following this experience, I have decided that after sticking my toe into the pool of small people, I literally must be with someone taller than me or the same height, preferbly with their eyes slightly together. I also kissed another two guys that night... when did I become a whore?
Drink is very bad...
Most of the night was filled with dancing and such and then at around 3pm, Lauren, Lisa and me had had enough and told the rest of the guys we were heading back to the apartment. We stopped for McDonalds along the way, whilst I carted Lisa home and managed to get to the hotel relatively alive (even though a Taxi driver asked if we wanted a taxi. When our reply was 'No', his next offer was 'Sex?' which we swiftly refused). Lisa crashed on our sofa bed and we were about to go to bed when we heard a knock and Katy, Grant and Richard (who made it home this night) came into our apartment, very drunk. Katy fell on Lauren and then proceeded to dance to Nicole Scherzinger, Grant also nearly fell off the sofa bed. They informed us Scott and Amy were still at the club. Lauren and me decided to go to bed, again when we heard a knock on the door and Scott was standing there... without an Amy. Cue two hours of worrying and the worst thoughts going through your head when we hear a knocking outside down the hall and Lauren and me bolted down to see Amy, no worse for wear but very late home! Once we had established that she was okay, Lauren and me finally went to bed, with Scott joining us on the sofa bed! What a palava!
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| Lisa and me |
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